#ITS BEEN SO LONG THAT I HAD BEEN SO INTERESTED AND EMOTIONAL FOR A FANFIC

[artist-heart83]

want to do a smg4 shipping chart?

Post written: 25/06

Sorry for taking that long dude, I was busy with some other stuff and I was trying to keep up to date with some older episodes.

Which didn’t do much because, it a lot to me. kinda basic this shipping chart but I kinda figured up some stuff watching some episodes.

Also Marware and BoMG1 became my favorites with past of the days for a particular artist but shhh.

Another thing, at first I ship Chris and Swag but watching a couple of episodes that thought change, there are more like a couple of besties, same goes to Saiko and Kaizo, just to realize that’s a lesbian and a gay man, they wouldn’t be a couple to my eyes.

EDIT.

HAD TO EDIT THIS CHART DAYS LATER AFTER RECENTLY READING THE APPRENTICESHIP AU AND REALIZE THAT I WAS KICKING MY FEETS AND GIGGLING EVERY TIME MARIO AND MR. PUZZLES INTERACT

[moeitsu]

Logan Howlett (Wolverine) Lore part 2 :)

Wow! You guys really appreciated my first post about Logan's backstory/lore and I'm grateful for all of your feedback!! Here's the link to part 1 if you're interested :)

I'm so happy to see all the love he's getting, its actually surreal to be a part of this fandom again and seeing all the new Wolverine content! The fanart and fanfics are literally my life-source rn. You don't even wanna know what my tiktok saved folder looks like....

You guys asked for more so here is part 2! It's not as organized as the first part, apologies. I'm using both the movies and comics here. Some stuff isn't confirmed but generally accepted in the mcu.

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Wolverine first appeared in The Incredible Hulk #180. He was supposed to be a mutated human/animal but the idea was later scrapped.

He was approx. 197 years old when he died in the movie 'Logan'

There's multiple different deaths in the comics but I wont get into that.

Logan is 5'3"- 5'5" (short king)

He has black hair and blue eyes

Before the adamantium, he weighed 196lbs (88kg). After the binding he was 300lbs (136kg)

His body is poisoned by the adamantium metal as it breaks down over time. Requiring him to be in a constant state of regeneration, which begins to slow down as he ages.

Without the metal he probably could have lived a lot longer.

Logan has a fear of water, or rather, drowning. It’s one of the only times can’t regenerate. It would cause his death.

The Weapon X program is also responsible for this fear since he was submerged under water for a long period of time for the binding.

The metal in his body also makes him so heavy it would be very difficult for him to swim.

In the comics Logan temporarily loses his healing factor due to a virus created by Dr. Abraham Cornelius. (Weapon X scientist) This event leaves him vulnerable for the first time in his life, forcing him to confront the reality of his mortality.

His healing ability greatly affects his mental state. Logan can quickly recover from physical damage, but he still feels all the pain. His ability to cope and endure despite the overwhelming suffering is central to his character.

Logan has an acute sense of smell. He can track people and objects across a great distance. It’s so precise that he can identify people’s emotional states such as fear or anger. Even when someone is lying.

Logan was sensitive, shy, and timid as a child.

The first person he ever killed was his biological father.

After killing his father he ran away from home with his friend Rose. (a hired companion to help care for him when he was young). Unfortunately, Logan accidently killed her during a fight.

Logan speaks several languages, due to his extensive life and travels. He speaks English, Japanese, Russian, Spanish, Chinese, Cheyenne and Lakota.

He’s actually an incredibly smart guy, don’t let him fool you.

Despite his love for alcohol, Logan’s healing factor makes it nearly impossible for him to get drunk.

Logan brews his own beer in the Origins comics. (we love a domestic husband)

On Logan’s birthday every year, Sabretooth seeks him out just to beat him up as a twisted "gift." Sabretooth calls this tradition "birthday beatings."

Spider-Man and Wolverine have teamed up a few times in the comics and they are a hilarious pair.

Logan's "berserker rage" is not just a result of his animalistic mutant powers. But stems from his deep psychological trauma. This side of him only emerges when he is pushed into extreme emotional or physical stress.

At one point before he escaped the Weapon X experiment, he was hired to kill Charles Xavier.

Logan's wife Itsu and son Daken were allegedly killed by the Winter Soldier, however it was later revealed that his son actually lived and had been consumed by hatred for his father. Logan was forced to kill his own son before he could cause more harm.

This act is one of, if not the most painful moment in Logan’s life, as it represents his ultimate failure as a father.

Logan blames himself for Jean Grey’s death.

He lived a majority of his life without his memories. Having no idea who he actually is.

Despite his involvement with the X-Men and his many close relationships he often feels like an outsider. Like he doesn’t belong anywhere. He isolates himself because loneliness is a familiar feeling.

Logan prefers the solitude and sanctity of nature. He loves the outdoors and has a lot of respect for the natural world. Often retreating into the wild for his own peace.

In one comic he baby sits Luke Cage and Jessica Jones daughter. Danielle Cage.

He can be quite playful at times with the younger mutants. For example, building a snowman with Jubilee.

Logan dreams of a normal life. He dreams of having a family with a wife and children and leaving the violence behind.

[shenachigans]

LETTER | Signora/Rosalyne

PAIRING: Signora/Rosalyne x Gn!Fatuus!Reader

CW: angst no comfort, character d3aths (two people are implied to pass away), toxic relationship, reader and Signora are only flings, mentions of su!cide, mentions of smut but not explicitly, Scaramouch makes an appearance.

SUMMARY: You were nothing but a fleeting moment in the Fair Lady’s life, but a single letter caused a permanent scar in her heart, far worse than what Rostam left her. 

A/N: Ask me why I rewrote a fanfic from 2021 in 2023. It’s because I needed to get out of this damn thing called writer’s block <3 It’s gender neutral but it was written with a female reader in mind. Her Majesty refers to the Tsaritsa and Rostam is Signora’s late lover btw.

WORDS: 2,413

(FANFIC IS UNDER THE CUT!)

Signora… Rosalyne, rather, is a woman who harbors negative emotions. Rostam’s death brought her so much grief, turning her into the misunderstood Crimson Witch. Love rendered Rosalyne miserable, and the burning fire in her heart was too powerful to extinguish. 

It was because of the Tsaritsa that made her who she is today, a cold Harbinger named Signora, the Fair Lady. She devoted herself to the Cyro Archon for vengeance so that she may let her lover rest once and for all. Everything she does is to honor him, and she will continue to do so until she meets him again. 

The power of liquid fire gave Signora a longer lifespan. It was useful for revenge, but it was dreadful when she longed for her lover. They have been apart for so many centuries. But amid her life, someone caught her attention.

You were but a simple Fatuus messenger who served the Sixth Harbinger Balladeer. It was rare for Harbingers to cross paths with one another, much less their servants, but Signora saw you — far more than she could remember. 

She observed you from afar out of pure interest. Perhaps she was bored. Perhaps she found you suspicious, for you were too naive and pure to work for an organization like this. But you were skilled in your field. Your talent juxtaposed your looks, she admits. And so she asked the Tsaritsa to place you in her division, deeming you would be more fit under her wing.

The Fair Lady wanted to keep you. 

The reason: unknown. 

The ambiguity of why Signora took you in soon disappeared. She found herself seeing a part of Rostam in your nature. It was more apparent when she learned of your feelings toward her. Just like Rostam, she would say, of course, not in your presence. She became infatuated with you over time. It wasn’t the same infatuation as your previous lovers, but you welcomed her with open arms. 

How could you deny the woman, who was clearly out of your league? 

When Inazuma closed its borders, your relationship as lovers became official, albeit a secret from the others, though everyone can sense a rather unusual intimate atmosphere between you two. 

You two weren’t like others, not because you were in a relationship with your superior, but because she was indifferent and sought your affection, not you. It may be because of her past — that you didn’t know of — but you pushed the heavy feelings aside as you were grateful to have the privilege to call Signora yours. 

You did everything you could to make her feel loved, and Signora felt like her old self, the young maiden from Mondstadt, Rosalyne: the young woman who was in love with a knight named Rostam. But your time together was fleeting.

The demise of your relationship started when she was assigned to collect the Gnoses per the Tsaritsa’s command. You two became equally busy. Signora became more distant and tense, too focused on the mission as if she had been waiting for this moment. She has, but you didn’t know why. 

Other Fatuus turned their backs on you upon learning your relationship with the Harbinger. It was understandable, but you didn’t receive special treatment. You worked harder than everyone else, and Signora was harsher toward you, pinning every mistake your peers committed. 

Thoughts filled your head, wondering if your relationship with Signora was normal for lovers. All she does is take, take, and take, but not once has she given you the same affection. You tried to understand her, but you were hurting yourself. Even so, you still loved her, because love comes with pain, does it not? Surely, this is only a bumpy road in your relationship.

You were wrong. You knew your relationship was over when Signora requested Her Majesty to place you back in Balladeer’s unit. She didn’t say anything, but her actions told you of her intentions. It hurt how cold she was to you that day as if you weren’t the person she shared her bed with, entangled in each other’s bodies. She acted like your time together meant nothing to her.

As you readjusted to being under Balladeer’s command, not once have you seen Signora. You knew she didn’t want to see you anymore, but your heart did not waver, rather, your heart ached from not seeing her. You were holding onto false hope — hoping she was only distant to remain professional, but you knew she was too busy, or did not bother, to officialize your parting. 

Everything you did was for her, just as everything Signora did was for Rostam. You realized you knew nothing of her past, save for having a lover. You did not know him, what their story was, and how they parted. But you saw longing and love in Signora’s eyes. 

There were times when Signora looked at you with an unrecognizable gaze. Only now did you learn what it was. The ache in your heart was unbearable, knowing you were just someone to fill the hole in her heart, the hole Rostam left. She didn’t love you like you loved her. It hurt so much. But you were meant to be utilized, for you were a tool. A tool has various purposes. Signora merely took advantage of your love to fulfill her needs. 

It was hard to accept, but you tried to, for this was reality. After all, the Fair Lady gave you, a mere Fatuus, an opportunity to become part of her private life. A Harbinger cannot be romantically involved with an underling. Although you can no longer call her yours, it was a privilege you had, and you will forever cherish your time together, because everything you do is for her, regardless of what she saw you as. You were only flings, but your feelings for her will remain eternal.

You just hope she will remember you, even when you no longer live… 

.

.

.

“What uselessness. Your lover, rather, ex-lover, tried to attack the blonde due to some personal grudge. My plans would’ve gone smoothly if not for their interruption,” Scaramouche grumbled, crossing his arms with a petty scoff. “It wasn’t even a big injury; they bled to death. Her Majesty would’ve had them disposed of were they to survive anyway.” 

Signora was too engrossed in your state to process his words as horrified eyes gazed at your lifeless body before her. Cuts and bruises decorated your skin, and the shine in your eyes was now dull. She had realized you were dead. But somehow, you looked more at peace, as though she could see you smiling at her with glimmering eyes. She felt her heart sink from the thought.

“I could’ve left them where they were, so you owe me, Signora. Alas, you better not linger for too long, you have yet to meet the Shogun,” are the words the puppet told her before swinging the sliding the shoji doors and disappearing to who-knows-where.

It was a déjà vu, a familiar feeling, yet it was different. Signora’s feelings didn’t make sense. You were nothing but a fleeting moment in her life, but the impact you had on her was great. You passed away fighting someone, like Rostam when he fought in the war and lost his life. Only this time, there was a corpse presented before her.

Signora didn’t know how long she towered over your body and bore into your soulless eyes, but it must’ve been a while for salty tears pooled on the bloody tatami mat. And so she fell on her knees as her sobs grew louder. Trembling fingers carefully mounted your head on her chest, cradling you like a newborn child. The growing pool of blood tainted everything around you, including Signora’s precious dress.

Your body was losing warmth each second, and she was desperately holding onto everything that was left. Signora received everything you had. She wishes you keep your warmth. You can’t throw it away like some fool, but she knew it was too late. Your fingertips were as cold as her delusion’s powers. 

The last time she cried, tears of amber rolled down her cheeks, turning her into the Crimson Witch as liquid fire consumed her. But here she was, weeping salty tears like a human being. Does a part of her humanity still linger within her? Was this your doing? It was a bittersweet feeling, she admits. But she remembers you’re no longer with her. Your bright soul is gone because of her.

“You fool! I… I couldn’t even say goodbye…”

The woman you gave your heart to let her walls down as she grieved, her heart tightening from the pain. 

But didn’t she use you? Why would she grieve for a pawn she used? She couldn’t possibly have the right to mourn for you when your death is the consequence of her actions, her indifference. 

Signora hugs you close as she rocks on her knees like a mother hushing her crying child. But she was crying, and you were hushed, still and cold, stinging her skin. Only your blood remained warm, but it was soon drying up, becoming as cold as you, further bringing pain to her heart.

Is this Celestia’s punishment for going against the heavenly principles? Must her life be full of woe? 

Signora’s sobs resonated around the room, grief apparent in her cries, hugging you tighter and tighter, refusing to let you go until her fingers brushed against a tattered letter from your coat’s pocket. Tears soaked her attire to clear her vision and grab the letter. 

Her stomach churned as she saw to whom it was for. It was for her. 

Dear Signora,

I never got to know your real name, My Lady. I didn’t want to pry by asking, but your name must be beautiful. It’s a shame, really. I would’ve loved for your name to fall from my lips. It would’ve been intimate of us, don’t you think? Alas, we weren’t meant to be. I understand you have your reasons for being distant and for using me. It was painful — for the woman I love does not reciprocate my feelings — but I hold no grudge, nor regret giving my life to you. I’m honored to have been able to give you my love. I will forever cherish the fleeting moments we shared. 

I’m writing you this letter to officialize the goodbye we never had. The moment I was brought back to my unit, I knew we were over, but I hoped you would come back for me. It was a foolish thought, I know, but it’s funny now that I think about it. I really am in love. And I keep hoping for something impossible because my feelings are strong for you, My Lady. Please don’t feel burdened. I say this because, as much as you try to hide it, and it may be presumptuous of me, but you care. You may not love me, but I can feel your caringness toward me. I’m grateful. I truly am.

Now, if ever you read this letter, it means I’m no longer alive. I made sure of it. It would be a miracle if you even found this letter. Please don’t misunderstand the situation. I wavered a duel with the traveler for a reason. Even if I came back unscathed, which would be another miracle, my life would be terminated by Her Majesty for my disobedience. I don’t dare to take my own life. Frankly, I wish to say I’m tired, My Lady. I simply do not find joy in being alive anymore and wish to rest. I’ve been planning for this moment for a long time, even before I met you, so please don’t blame yourself for my death. I admire how you still have that will within you. The reason must be to avenge someone you loved, no? I apologize for doing some background work on your history, albeit not finding much, but I wanted to know more about you. 

I hope you succeed, My Lady. I wish for you to lay off your burdens and find peace. I want to thank you for making my life bloom with color before I left. Therefore, I have no regrets in life. Although without your permission, allow me to say I love you. I may have never said these words in front of you, and have been contemplating whether or not to say them, but I was too late to decide. Thus, I end my letter with my declaration of love and parting.

I love you so much, My Fair Lady.

— Your former Fatuus underling.

The letter fell from her grasp as she drowned in grief, the ink drowning in her tears, rendering the paragraphs illegible. Was she so distant that you dared not sign your letter intimately? You even addressed her formally, as if it was a report. Why did you stay with someone like her? She knew why, but she refused to acknowledge it. You loved her so much that you put yourself and your pain aside to please her and let yourself get used.

Signora cups your face, gently pressing her warm lips against your forehead, your eyes, your nose, your cheeks, until your cold lips meet with hers. How your lips cuddled against hers, oh so perfectly. Only now did she realize how warm your kisses were, how you would smile and blush, even if it was a quick peck. Those kisses were your kisses, they weren’t Rostam’s.

She was responsible for your death, Signora assures. You may have been planning it for a long time, but her ignorance caused the last blow. Had she not exploited you, you might've still been breathing, and happy with someone who deserves you, someone who would devote their life to you, someone who would love you as you loved her. You were the flower she poisoned and left to wither due to her actions…

Signora truly did not deserve someone like you.

“My name is Rosalyne. Please say it, my name. Please speak, please…”

A blood-chilling cry of grief filled the room when you remained silent, unable to utter the name you yearned to say. You were gone, truly gone. She killed you.

Rosalyne didn’t choose you because you were an image of Rostam. She chose you because you made her feel human. But she was blinded, not realizing the truth behind her emotions.

.

.

.

“Rosalyne!”

It wasn’t you; it was Rostam.

A/N: For those confused with the ending, Signora follows canon events, which means she's...

© shenachigans — do not plagiarise, translate, repost, or copy.

[strawhbrrries]

Three gifts and a kiss

pairing: reader x softish!joel miller

summary: three gifts and a kiss is all it took for you to break the walls around Joel Miller’s heart.

warnings: implied age gap (never mentioned), use of pet names (darlin’), straight fluff, no use of Y/N *please let me know if i forgot anything*

author’s note: this is my first real writing piece, outside of fanfic i wrote on wattpad when i was twelve, so please be kind with criticism! as much as i love smut i was too nervous to write it for my first post so i hope the fluff does justice. i really do hope you enjoy it! *not proofread*

word count: 2145 words

“Shh. Stop your fussing. I am just braiding your hair.” You teased, separating the three strands of hair you were overlapping into more organized strands to work with.

“It hurts!” Ellie whined, laying her head back in your lap to emphasize her point, bringing one her hands up to rub the side of her head to soothe the pain she swore up and down was the worst thing she ever felt.

Ellie was sat on the floor in between your legs reading whatever she had picked up off the end table when she came barging in your house demanding for her hair to be branded, something about how she had never learned and needed to be taught. Which was a big load of bullshit, as proved by the fact you were just braiding her hair and she wasn’t learning shit, well only half a load of bullshit as she truly had never learned. 

Jackson wasn’t necessarily a boring place for you before Ellie and Joel showed up, but it wasn’t the most entertaining either. Bartending has its perks but outside of it, all the days blended together and were a never ending boring hell. The foul mouthed child made your days way more interesting, finding every excuse under the sun to find her way into your home. Not that you minded, but a knock would be nice every now and then. You enjoyed her company more than you expected when Tommy informed you that the empty house next door would be filled. You had actual friends your age, but most had adult responsibilities that started earlier in the day than yours did, besides Ellie being over occasionally meant Joel visiting to bring her home. Those were your favorite days.

The first time you ever met the infamous Joel Miller, is forever ingrained in your mind. His footsteps rattling through the house and the deepness of his voice as he called out for Ellie, you mentally noted that he was the reason she never knocked.

“In here Joel!” Ellie called out from your bedroom just up the stairs, giving you a look that expressed all her frustration of him just showing up.

“C’mon, dinners ready.” His voice carried through the house, not once had he really raised his voice since he showed up. His footsteps on the stairs sent her into a flurry to grab her things and go.

The two finger knock on the door captured your attention, never in your twenty years of living had you seen a man so attractive and he became so much more attractive the second he nodded his head in your direction. You knew it had been a long time when such a simple action made warmth flood your body.

“I’ll see you later, Ellie, hopefully the garden will be a bit more grown in soon so we can mess around in it !” You smiled, smoothing out the shirt you were wearing to try and make yourself more presentable for your unexpected handsome visitor. “It’s Joel, right?” 

“Yeah, sorry it took so long to meet.” He spoke back, no emotion present. You added to your, short, mental notes about the man that he seemed almost robotic.

“‘s okay. Ellie said you’ve been pretty busy, I enjoy having her around. It was nice to meet you!” You spoke enthusiastically to try and elicit a response from him but all he did was nod his head out the door and left with Ellie trailing behind him. A frown and disappointment soon took over the warmth he had originally brought.

Joel never went out of his way to acknowledge you, sure he nodded his head every time you served him at the bar but unlike your other regulars he had no interest in your stories and new recipes.  However, you always went out of your way to acknowledge him in subtle ways; always sending some leftovers home with Ellie, leaving a brand new guitar on his porch after Ellie told you he had broken his other one (admittedly, not your most subtle move), and a record of Linda Ronstadt with the words “I don’t need this back :)” scribbled on a piece of paper taped to it. 

The leftovers he appreciated, not that he ever expressed his gratitude to you about it. They were nice after a long shift on patrol, especially so because he didn’t have to cook nor did he have to interact with people at the mess hall. He spoke more to you, kinder to you, after you started sending leftovers home with Ellie. You found him, much like Ellie, barging in more often and on one occasion found him in your garden inspecting the produce you had planted for the season.

“You’ve got weeds.” He’d mumble, as if he was genius of the year for that observation. “Prolly some bugs too.” Joel placed a hand on his knee and got up off the ground, standing awkwardly as he had previously planned to have been gone before you caught him here. 

“By all means, if you can find insecticide that won’t cost me a fortune I would be forever indebted to you.” A chuckle slipped out at the thought that THE Joel Miller was in your garden going on about weeds. Life was weird sometimes. Your words earned you the first smile you’ve seen from the man, you thought about it every night from then on out. Joel, unbeknownst to you, thought of your giggle and the pretty blue sundress you had been wearing when you stumbled upon him every night.

The guitar, that one stirred up some trouble in the imaginary relationship you thought was going on with you and Mr. Miller. Ellie had come to help you cook and also gossip about Joel, you didn’t mind either, when he came storming in the house. You and Ellie exchanged a knowing look, but neither could’ve predicted the storm that was going to brew.

“Ellie. Go home.” His voice was low and his face mean. Everyone knew Joel Miller was a mean man but to be the person it was directed at, even worse.

“Wha- I’m just helping!” Ellie tried to plead her case, motioning to the half cut vegetables she was cutting.

“Go.” 

Ellie, reluctantly, left which left you with the seething older man standing in your kitchen. Instead of speaking, you simply turned around to the vegetables Ellie just left and started chopping in hopes that maybe he would leave and you didn’t have to be the brunt of whatever anger he had about something you didn’t even know about!

“What did you trade.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and he expected an answer about point five seconds ago.

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Also not a question, also a statement, most certainly a lie. You knew exactly what he was asking about, it was an act of kindness and you didn’t want to be scolded for caring about him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, leaned over the kitchen table that sat in between the two of you and let out a sigh. “Let's cut to the chase, darlin’. What the fuck did you trade. Don’t fuck with me either ‘cus I know you’re smarter than that.” 

“What I did or did not trade for the guitar is not your business, I was being nice, Joel. Hard for you to get used to, I know.” Your words came out a bit harsher than intended, you weren’t trying to be rude all you had intended to do was give him a new guitar after his had broken.

Instead of a rebuttal all you heard was his boots hitting the floor and the slam of your front door. You were too angry to cry, all you had tried to do was be kind. Had he been embarrassed? Embarrassed about what, that someone cares for him? You were too angry to chop, the fear of accidentally cutting off a finger was a bit too real at the moment, so you settled for half the usual vegetables. 

You still put leftovers on his porch. No amount of anger, and sadness for what occurred, would stop you from caring about him. 

He didn’t speak to you for eight days. Never showed up to coax Ellie home. Stopped playing his, new, guitar on the porch. For eight days he gave you the cold shoulder, it sucked. He only caved on the eighth day when he overheard your boss mention you had called out of work three days in a row, he couldn’t figure out why he cared but he did. He knocked on your door four times before you opened it.

“You look like shit.” His words robotic as ever.

“If you came to be rude, leave.” Your response was weak and quiet, your skin pale and visibly clammy. You had stressed yourself sick.

“What happened?” He brought his hand to your forehead and immediately felt the heat, surprised you hadn’t melted yet. 

For the first time in over twenty years, Joel had taken care of someone. He slept in the uncomfortable chair that sat in the corner of your bedroom, refusing the bed or the couch. He reheated meals and even made some of his own to make sure you were fed, and hydrated. For the first time since you met, you felt that he truly cared. He even let his guard down enough to, begrudgingly almost so much he could’ve convinced someone he was forced to do it, lay with you when the blankets weren’t enough to fight off the shivers. Ellie teased him in the privacy of their home that he was developing a crush, and he was.

The Linda Ronstadt record was your most genius idea. When you had first met Ellie, she mentioned a cassette her and Joel listened to when they were first driving out here. You asked for the artist and her exact words were “I don't know. Linda blah blah blah.” The guitar incident was long forgotten so you figured gifts were pretty safe now. A coworker had mentioned trading a few records for some home cooked meals, and the stars aligned so perfectly that one of them happened to be the exact record Ellie had spoken about (or so you hoped). 

Joel frequented your place more often, he found your company more appealing than his own, and you enjoyed it more than you let on. You had Ellie leave the record somewhere in his room to find after his patrol shift. 

The now familiar sound of Joel’s boots hitting the floor as he took them off filled your living room. However, he was supposed to be on patrol and definitely not here in your house holding a Linda Ronstadt record. 

“Darlin’ what’s with the gift?” He asked softly, or as soft as he possibly could. His body finding comfort next to yours on the couch, plucking the note you wrote off the record and tucking it away into the pocket of his flannel.

“Ellie said you liked her, someone at work was gettin’ rid of it. Figured you might like it.” A smile making itself home on your face, he thought it was the prettiest smile he’d ever seen. He’d gone soft.

“I don’t own a record player sweet girl.” 

“You’ll have to visit more then. Or! Let me give you one!” 

“I’ll just let you have it, hopefully the lyrics haven’t left my brain just yet and I can teach ‘em to ya.” He placed the record on the end table next to him and placed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “Can’t believe I was such a hard ass on you, sweetest thing to ever grace my life.”

“I knew you’d come around eventually.” Looking up at him softly and caressing his cheek before placing the gentlest of kisses to his lips. “Thought you were supposed to be on patrol anyway.” 

“Got someone to switch with me after I saw the record, had to come see my girl.” Joel responded, placing a kiss on your lips before trailing his thumb along your bottom lip.

Three gifts and a kiss is all it took for you to break the walls around Joel Miller’s heart. The leftovers no longer found their way onto his porch, as eventually it became your porch and the leftovers found themselves in a new fridge. The guitar was played and used to teach Ellie how to play, you often spent evenings on the porch listening to someone strum it. The record was always on repeat when Joel was home, until he accidentally dropped it on the floor consequently covering it in scratches unable to be played. As for the kisses, they never stopped and each one filled your body with butterflies that could burst out at any moment.

[scummy-writes]

Perverse Pleasures

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2814

Pairing: Chevalier/Melinda(Oc)

Content Tags: A/B/O Dynamics (light), masturbation, pov switch (first person , chev, to second person for both) , caught in the act, nesting, Chev is in heat, fingering, cum tasting, first times, PIV, cumming inside

Summary: It's unusual for Chevalier to let his bodily needs overcome him in such a way. He relents, using Melinda's clothes as a masturbatory aid due to her scent making his body heat flare. Meanwhile, he neglects to realize his door isn't locked...

(A fanfic for @dododrawsstuff!! Thank you!!)

It was somewhat of a rarity to look down upon myself, and yet tonight I was in such a position once again with a huff of disbelief. Not only had I managed to lose control over my body in such a perverse way, but it further instilled unsavory habits I had no wishes to keep.

My eyes ran over the scattered articles of clothing I had filched like a common thief - no, pervert - and felt another long sigh escape me. Years of the same routine, and yet the arrival of a mere woman managed to skew my world in ways I had never accounted for. While she was interesting by her own right, the growing disarray of my senses caused a build up of frustrations I was annoyed to admit.

I knew better than this, yet that incessant urge inside of me that medicine could no longer subside kept gaining control over my actions. At first, it was the shawl she had left behind at her second social gathering - the first time I had understood what her scent was doing to me. Another was one of her otherworldly jackets, with patterns that had yet to be seen through my own time. After amassing a small collection of shirts and similar, I had even been so daft as to betray my senses completely, and disgracefully filch an intimate item.

In a bed of my own making, I had gathered them all. ‘Nesting’; a foolish urge I had assumed I’d never go through. They were piled upon my sheets, surrounding myself with her damning and intoxicating scent. Just this was enough to stir base impulses - an aching cock that had plagued me through the day, now finally able to be satiated.

I’ve never been patient in these matters. Often, it was an urge I quickly satisfied to get it over with, finding little relief in the action past fulfilling a bodily need that presented itself at inopportune times.

The moment I fisted an article of clothing from the pile I had accrued, however, I found it difficult to ignore the desire to draw this out. It felt as though it were a need - a remnant of the beast inside me, perhaps needing to revel in its claim.

Palming my erection through my clothes sent shivers through my body, my breathing coming out a pace faster the further her scent clouded my senses. Within moments, I found myself nestled in her clothing, taking deep breaths as I toyed with the head of my cock. Compared to previous attempts, there was a shameful abundance of precum leaking from my tip. Beads of the liquid ran down my cock in heavy droplets, slipping between my fingers, slickening my grip. I would normally hate the sensation on my hands, but this drove me to smear it along my sensitive glands, teasing my frenulum by ghosting the pads of my fingers against the skin, producing a shudder through me.

It was… Intoxicating. Far greater than my expectations had imagined due to how dull masturbating had been previously. Pleasured sighs escaped my lips for the first time, a weight slipping from my shoulders as I relaxed into the mattress, cock twitching as I muttered her name. Ridiculous, but it fanned my desires; my hand stroking faster without a thought.

Perhaps that was how I managed to further make a fool of myself. In the midst of drawing the act out, partly due to the lust overtaking me, a small squeak of surprise stole my attention, causing a wash of various emotions to take over me.

Melinda had opened my door with a letter in hand - likely delivering it on the request of my foolish brother - making me aware that in my clouded haste that I had neglected to lock the damned thing, and now she stood shocked, becoming redder by the second.

Her apologies are endless. Each one stumbles over themselves just as often as her own feet did during her first dance. Even in such a state, I can’t help but find it endearing. To avoid making more of a mess, I roughly yank the sheet overtop of my lower half, frowning that it does little to cover the obvious, but it would do for now.

“Shut the door.”

“Right, of course-” she stepped back through the frame in an attempt to retreat, nearly dropping the letter in her haste.

“Inside.”

Melinda froze once more, but tentatively obeyed. Her eyes rolled over my form once more, lingering out of impulse more than succumbing to lechery. When she tore them away I found there was an urge to call her attention again, to have her focus on me. My body. The want of her showing clearly.

A ridiculous want, but overpowering nonetheless, for the next time I opened my mouth those were the first words to leave it.

“Look at me.”

Perhaps it was borne from frustration as well. Her meek nature wasn’t offputting, but when wanting her to look at me for more than the titles I bore, it brought forth a different form of ire. One satiated as she obeyed, and I could briefly see the lust we shared. She would have left if this wasn’t mutual, no?

However, I knew her too well. Even if she knew she was the cause of this state I found myself in, she would be quick to dismiss it as reality.

“You’re aware of what this is.”

A statement, one to get a clarifying answer on. Thankfully she nods, her voice stolen by surprise rather than a lack of reason. I shift, begrudgingly repositioning the sheet - my excitement had gathered upon it, making the sensation uncomfortable.

Melinda… Stares, before meeting my gaze. She isn’t quick to berate me, despite seeing how her clothes are nestled around me. Instead she takes in a shaking breath.

“You’re in heat.”

I continue to wait for her, finding it pointless to respond further.

“Chev, are you sure you want me in here? I-I know when an omeg- when someone is like this, that it’s easy to be taken advantage of, so-”

“I’m right of mind.” Her worry is pointless; as if I would be so out of mind as to invite random persons to taste my skin. Yet… I continue to let her clarify. Over and over, that my want for her is true.

She words it in various ways, so that guilt does not plague her. And at last her voice loses itself as the gears in her mind turn, overtaken by another shock- one I do not understand her possessing.

“You want… me?”

“You have ears, do you not?”

Why would I waste time spouting nonsense rather than the truth? She knows better, yet her own issues seem to take control as she grapples with them.

“But I’ve never done this before.”

“That is of no importance to me. I place more importance on your willingness.”

She looks at me, biting upon her bottom lip, and there is an urge that threatens to overtake me then and there. To have that same lip between my teeth, to distract her from whatever is holding her back from admitting her desires. I was no fool - even if I had never experienced ‘love’, it was easy to tell she harbored such affections for me.

Despite the neediness humming beneath my skin, I only extended my hand, reaching out to await hers. Once her hand carefully placed itself in my grasp, I felt a smirk tug the corners of my mouth for the first time tonight as I pulled her closer.

Never in her nights spent here had she expected to find herself in such a situation. Seeing Chevalier laid out in front of her, sprawled out in his bed and surrounded by clothes of hers that had gone missing… Initially, she had believed they were cruelly taken away by his fan club in jealousy. Instead, they were coveted by the icy prince who had managed to consistently warm her heart.

A fantasy of hers in private, yet when faced with it in reality, it took everything she had within her to accept his proposition. To take ahold of his hand, and allow herself to be lured in by her beast.

His movement was as firm as his grasp, and it caused her to stumble ungracefully onto the mattress, using her spare hand to steady herself on her knees. The motion causes creaking of the bed frame, but her eyes were impulsively drawn to the thin sheet haphazardly pulled over his crotch. There, she can see the blatant evidence that this isn’t a falsehood - Chevalier wanted her. So much so that he was tugging the cloth away, giving her full witness to his desires. If she still couldn’t believe his words, this left little to doubt.

Truly… She knew he wouldn’t lie over such a thing, but insecurities ran deeply with irrationality. A beast that had known her longer than Chevalier.

It’s difficult, but Mel settles her eyes on his; she’s greeted with a heat there she’s never bore witness to, and it causes her inner muscles to clench, her own cheeks burning a shade darker. That fire quells such anxious thoughts as he cups her cheek, drawing their lips together impatiently.

He isn’t as gentle as the knights in the books they shared. His movements are unaccustomed to such a thing - clumsy at moments, but ever so persistent in need. It’s enough for her to overlook due to being so enamored by the pleasured sigh of relief that leaves him. An unspoken finally.

Though he is the one naked, inexperienced just as she, he loses none of his confidence. Between kisses that grow more fervent, he guides her to lay against the mattress as her clothes are deftly discarded to lay with the rest, spreading her legs. His lips are nearly enough to steal her reason, but not just yet. She can feel his palms run up her inner thighs, hear his soft sighs when their lips part momentarily - her head spins with the new sensations, barely able to keep track of her anxieties following his heated touches. Impulsively, her hands try to interrupt his path. Just as smoothly, he grips her wrists, gathering both in one hand and pinning them above her head.

“I will remind you once more that I want to explore your body within my ability. That this ache within me is the product of my desire for you - no one else.” The words are growled in her ear, lust driving Chevalier to let his needs show past bodily reactions. As if to break the tension, or to aid in ridding some of his sexual frustration, he nips at the shell of her ear, “do not mistake my passion for instinct.”

Despite the warning in his words, he still waits. Meeting her gaze as she processes what was said. Even though her mind is attempting to balance her worries along with the flurry of her heart soaring, Melinda lets out the breath she held, spreading her legs wider to grant him unrestricted access to her core.

His eyes widen, just briefly, at the movement before he lets her wrists go, rewarding her with the taste of his lips once more. Tangling their tongues together as his fingers stroke along her vulva, the shudder it brings echoing between them. 

It may be her bais showing through her feelings for the man, but each touch feels electrifying. His thumb traces her clit teasingly; she can feel a smirk upon his lips when he manages to pull a needy whine from her, electing to kiss along her jawline as he graces her with more pressure against the bundle of nerves, drinking in the whimpers and gasps.

The sounds are no better. As he pushes a digit into her, then two, and begins to pump them inside, his labored breathing in her ear seems to just add to the swirls of pleasure riding through her. A soft groan leaving him at the sound of her own, the way his breath hitches as his hips jut against her thigh, rubbing himself against her like a dog in heat.

All of that combined with the fact that her first time is with Chevalier, the man who captured her heart faster than anyone else, the peak of it all hits far faster than she expected. Displaying itself through a desperate cry of his name, her grip on his shoulders tight and unforgiving as she grinds against his palm through her orgasm, shaking when he continues to thrust his fingers well past the initial high.

As she recovers, panting as her body slowly relaxes back against the sheets, Chevalier pulls his fingers out and regards her excitement splayed between them. For a moment, he seems entranced by the arousal decorating his hand. Lips parted slightly as he observes, then tentatively takes a lap at the fluid.

At the taste, he closes his eyes with a sigh, savoring the flavor and smell, before his gaze is drawn back to her watery one.

“I can no longer hold myself back.”

“That’s fi- oh!”

In no time, Chevalier has barely given her time to recover before he slips between her legs, positioning her securely before he guides his cock to press against her swollen lower lips. He slides the tip along her vulva, mixing their arousal together for ample lubrication, before he eases the head inside of her. 

It’s difficult for her to breathe through it. Not due to an abundance of pain, but rather over being fulfilled so intimately. He isn’t careless or crass - even with his brows furrowed in impatience in wanting to overindulge, he grips her hips tightly as he inches inside of her, biting back a groan when he sinks in to the hilt.

His nails dig into her skin as he slowly exhales, face pressed against her neck, soaking in how her inner muscles clench around his length, enticing him to lose his reason completely. The promise of the pleasure he seeks is enough to keep his composure, nibbling her heated skin as strained words leave him, “ready?”

Melinda nods, breath held in preparation of the first thrust, then second- and soon she’s able to breathe with ease as he sets a steady and firm pace. He drives into her with withheld determination finally showing, each push inside of her increasing in intensity until he’s no longer able to hide his exertion, panting as he mutters to her. Growls of how it's her alone that has reduced him to such a state- that his mind is unable to think of anything past her. Her taste, her musk, the pleas of his name that he wishes to pry from her bashful lips. It’s nearly incomprehensible to imagine Chevalier impacted in such a way, but Melinda bears witness to it as he drives into her, again and again, until her second climax washes over her with a cry for him.

Even when losing control of himself in ways he is unused to, Chevalier still manages to hold onto his beauty. His gasps melt into her skin as he thrusts within her as deep as he can and stills, a strangled cry trying to escape him that he holds back, resulting in a mangled moan caught in his throat as he spills deep within her. 

They both linger like this; catching their breath, enjoying the comfort of their warmth despite the sweat and quivers between them. Of course, it’s Chev who breaks apart first- but hesitantly, looking as if he wishes to simply lay entwined with her throughout the night. But he knows the discomfort that would bring, and she watches as he shifts to his knees, carefully pulling out.

In the midst of her mind trying to come down from such a high, she feels a damp cloth pressed against her sex, her cheeks blushing for different reasons as he tends to her as a lover would - with care and grace she is unused to.

Yet, there is a question that still burns within her.

“So…”

She’s unsure of how to ask, especially with her heart still recovering from it all. All she can think of is how weak her legs feel, the feeling of his cum beginning to dribble out of her. But she needs to know, especially from the one who has helped her so much in this world.

Chevalier regards her with a blank look, then an amused huff.

“I don’t plan to toss you aside.”

“So then…?”

With a gentleness she’s still unused to, he takes her chin in his grasp, giving her that selfsure smile before pressing his lips against hers. Remnants of the heat from before still linger, but he breaks it off before they can be tempted once more. 

“I’ve made you mine, have I not?”

Dodo asked for omega chev, and I tried to deliver a little! abo is out of my zone since I don't fully understand the universe, so this was limited due to that.

I like to imagine that Clavis intentionally had Mel deliver the letter to meddle in their love life some more, but likely didn't realize Chev had been and would be doing That.

This is the first time in...I feel like at least ten years since I wrote first person? I have to say, I'm actually a bit proud of how it sounds in this. I rarely write chev but I enjoyed doing it like this a lot.

Thank you for trusting me to write your babygirl, Dodo!!! I wuv mel.

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[empressgeekt]

Trolls - Burning Branches AU part 1

Or alternate title, I have now been sucked down the sudden black hole that is this fandom and now the troll plot bunnies are running ramped around my Fanfic farm, because the creators of this franchise has added my weakness...Sibling relationships... Now I have plans for a two story saga in this fandom of which I wouldn't have glanced at with interest at all a month ago.

Well, that's enough rambling, Time to get into the meat of the fic plot.

So, while browsing on Ao3 I noticed that there was this Rock!Branch au, where Branch is separated from the pop-trolls as a kid and ends up being raised by Barb and Thrash of the Rock Trolls. I love this concept, more then some relatives of mine. But I want to put a little spin on it. I've been a big fan of amnesia/memory loss fics, and I noticed there was a lack of them in this fandom.

Brozone breaks up and Grandma dies like in canon, same old same old. However, in this AU Branch is forced to leave the Troll Tree as a kid, because there is a larger sigmatism about trolls who went grey. The Trolls are very clear that they want nothing to do with Branch. They are all already living with death at their door step and they don't need a grey child to constantly break the false image of happy paradise that the adults try to maintain in the Tree to keep themselves sane. Branch, with nothing else left for him in the tree, packs up and tries to leave to find his brothers, though he does worry if they would even want him now that he was grey.

After successfully escaping the town, (the bergens don't notice if a small troll vanishes in the middle of the night, they didn't notice the whole village packing up), Branch spends a terrifying night in the woods. Running away from what are "predator's" in the eyes of a small child. Until he accidentally, stumbles in the a wormhole. The wormhole sucks Branch away from, Pop territory to the outskirts of the Rock badlands. But in this new hot volcanic he is still far from safe. (I'm adding that their are harsh powerful dragons that roam around the Rock trolls territory, as there has to be some type of reason behind they turned their own music and instruments in the to energy weapons while the other tribes didn't. Not to mention the active volcanic activity everywhere!) While running away from some of these actual predators and dangerous lava pools, Branch gets shoved over a cliffside, and falls into one of the few rivers nearby. In the raging rapids, the little troll strikes his head against the rocky river bed. Knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Still-King Thrash is leading an expedition to the river to fetch water for the people of Volcano Rock City. Being the very soft and caring Father he is, once he sees a small child floating in the river he jumps in without a second thought, and pulls the child to the shore. He leaves the expedition in the hands of another Troll and brings the some how still alive child back to the City and into the care of a capable doctor. While waiting to hear if Branch will live, Thrash goes through the little sack the kid had with him. There's enough evidence for the king of rock to come to the conclusion that Branch was running away, and needless to say Thrash is furious. Who would be so cruel that dared to make a child in his kingdom feel so scared and unwelcomed that they would run away! (at this point due to Branch's greyness and the high emotions of the situation Thrash hasn't realized Branch is from Pop yet, not that it would matter in the long run he's still ticked off).

Eventually, the doctor (an old friend of Thrash's whom they have a deep trust between, I haven't named them yet), calls Thrash in. Thrash finds Branch unconscious on the medical bed with his head bandaged. The doctor tells Thrash that's its a miracle that Branch is even alive, but it would take a bigger one for the child to wake up. The underneath the blood of the wound was a skull fracture and possible brain damage. Then he mentions it would probably be better if Branch never woke up, and further explains Branch's nature as a pop troll, and his greyness. Thrash takes this information in with a sad heart. Stigma against pop was still running high in the Rock kingdom, despite Thrash wanting to believe his people could spare their bias to care for a wounded child, he knows that no foster family would take a pop troll in. He asks the Doctor to keep quiet about Branch, and that if the boy would wake up Thrash would take him in himself. He goes home and hugs Barb after an exhausting day, and asks her if she was open to having a little brother.

After a few weeks, Branch wakes up, but he has no memory of anything. Not his name. Not where he's from. Not how he got there. At this point the medical staff that were allowed to know about him, have taken to calling him Charcoal, or Char, after his perfectly black and shiny hair, and it just kind of stuck after that. Thrash has taken to visiting Branch, even before the boy was conscious, quickly growing fond over the boy and until he'd recovered enough to be taken to the royal cavern. Barb takes to having Char around very well. Having a younger sibling, gives her something to put her protectiveness towards. Thrash makes and announcement, claiming Char as his own to Rock, and putting the boy as second in-line for the throne.

Still it isn't all cupcakes and rainbows with Char in his new home. He has lasting effected form his head injury in the form of migraines and fainting spells. The child is plagued by nightmares, of Giants coming to eat him and old ladies. They frighten him so much he draws and designs traps and bunkers to keep himself safe. Some of the designs Thrash actually considers building in case of emergency. Music brings him to tears if it's too loud or sudden, or if Barb asked him to sing-along. His room is sound proofed, and he has a pair of headphones to block things out if needed. Thrash also finds that his new adoptive son, is far more book-smart then him or Barb, the rarely used Rock library becomes Char's second home. The child become well educated in History, engineering, math, sciences and politics.

It would take two years before, Barb managed to talk Char into coming to her music practice, where the kid learns that music is more then just noise that makes him feel scared/unsafe. Seeing the weapon music can be, something he can learn to protect himself with, Char becomes hooked on the idea of learning it. Too everyone's surprise, it comes to boy like second nature, and his voice is like that of an angel's.

Eighteen years pass, and Branch grows up to be, Prince Char, second born son to Thrash King of Rock. He's a known expert with a guitar, both as an instrument and a weapon, his reputation is that of a eerily smart and organized strategist, who is loyal to his family and people to a fault and ruthlessly protective. With Thrash's health, both physical and mental, in rapid decline, Barb is forced to take on the mantel of Queen earlier then she wanted, but this time she has a brother to lean on as an advisor. Which is a good thing, because between the two of them Char is a much better planner.

Pressure is turned up on the royal rock siblings, when an unexpected earthquake destroys the farmlands that feeds the city. Sure, volcanic soil can been great for growing plants, but rivers of lava and giant fresh trenches don't help at all. Barb flies off the handle, and begins to panic in quiet about what she needs to do to protect the people of Rock, while Char looks into historical records to see if the past king ever had to deal with issues like this. Eventually he stumbles on the knowledge that during ancient times if one of the tribes was in trouble they would call upon their sister tribes for aid.

"Oh that's great advise your books have, let's ask for help from our sworn enemies!" Barb would exclaim, "Wait...the other tribes! If they lasted as long as we did, then they must have resources! But they wouldn't help us...not unless they were just like us. We could use our string to convert..."

"Barb! I'm going to stop you right now. First one our string isn't powerful enough to over-write someone's genre, believe me I looked into it-"

"But if we get all the strings..."

"You mean steal them?"

"Yah!"

"No, if we were to fail that would only sour relations between genres further and our people would still be starving. We'd be better off forging an alliance with a tribe, rather then wasting already limited resources conquering one."

"URGH! Why are you always right....So, alliance...that's our best plan?"

"Currently yes."

"With people that hate us! Are we sure we can't conquer them?"

"Barb, were trying to make a harmony. You can't make harmony with everyone using the same voice. They all need to be different, and they all can't be forced into something they they aren't or it all falls apart."

"Whoa, that's deep. Where'd ya learn that?"

"I-I don't know...but the point still stands we need to befriend another tribe not conquer one!"

"Okay, so how do we do that?"

"Well, apparently theirs more ways then one, all of them include paper work, so leave that to me, but one of them we actually have a unique opportunity to ally with."

"Oh? And how do we take advantage of this unique opportunity?"

"You're not going to like this...but we use me..."

Branch would go on to explain his plan to ally the Rock kingdom with the Pop trolls...through an Arranged Marriage between him and the Pop princess. Barb hates it, especially after all the pop trolls did to her brother when he was young, but she can't argue the logic. The pop trolls live in a forest rich with food and plant life, and water sources. However, they have zero defenses other then how deep they live in the forest. (how he knows all of this Branch has no idea) If the alliance managed to go through, the Rock trolls could get the needed food supplies, and the Pop trolls could gain the knowledge of how to use musical weaponry.

Barb still hates it, it feels like her little brother is throwing away his future. But Char assures her that he's okay with it, and that it's his turn to take on the burden of the crown he supposed to wear. As a bio-pop troll the possibility of an heir from the alliance marriage is higher then if they use a random Rock citizen, and as Rock Prince that will give more creditably to the pleads of their people to Pop. He tells Barb to just take care of Dad when he's gone and that they always have debbie to talk to each other through letters.

So they send a message to Pop Village...requesting to consider the marriage.

At Pop village, Poppy is busy with her new duties as a fresh coronated Queen, caring for the village needs and further establishing peaceful relations with the Bergens after the fall of Chef. When the message reaches her, delivered Via Debbie and Biggie, Peppy tries to take it from her before she cane read it. And then she demands that he Explain why she just got a proposal in a letter from a Rock Prince?

Peppy reluctantly explains the history of the Tribes, and how some times they would form alliances between the genres by wedding members of the royal families together to ensure peace. He makes it very clear that He doesn't want Poppy to even think of answering the Rock trolls even if to decline the proposal, but she fights back saying hat this might be their only chance for peace between the genres for years to come if its taken this long for them to reach out this time. Peppy then tries to argue that if Poppy were to accept the proposal that she would have to marry this prince, this stranger, and he never wanted that to happen to her. He knows Poppy is queen now and he can't order her to do anything, but he asks her to think about this before making any kind of decision.

Poppy needless to say, deeply contemplates the proposal. She wants to help reunite the tribes, but bonding herself to a stranger she never met was a daunting thing. She talks with Cooper and Bridget who are surprisingly helpful with everything, and decides that she'll accept the proposal with the condition that she and her future groom have the chance to meet and get to know each other before the wedding.

Barb and Char readily accept the condition, and calculate that they can give one month of courtship before the Rock kingdom is without food. They respond back to Poppy, and tell them that Char and a few others would arrive in Pop Village a few days after she would receive the letter that confirmed the betrothal.

Char arrives at Pop Village with much fanfare from his travel companions, but shushes them quickly and addresses Poppy and Peppy in a polite manner. Poppy is kind of thrown off by how grey her future husband is, not that she shows it. Char is just as shocked about how bright and colorful she is.

The romance is awkward at first. The cultural differences get in the way sometimes. But eventually a connection is formed. Char learns to feed off of Poppy's energy and Poppy learns that there's more to this grey prince then gloom. With the wedding scheduled for the end of the month, Poppy decides to introduce Char to her BFF Bridget.

Needless to say, it doesn't go well.

Char's underlaying trauma comes back in a panic attack and flashback upon seeing the Troll Tree and bergens. The memory of his Grandmother's demise suddenly becoming clear as day in his mind. In the panic he accidently fires his guitar at Grisle and Bridget, with makes Poppy panic and angry at him. So he runs off into the woods.

Bridget and Poppy end up having a heart to heart where Bridget says that Char looked scared. Having heard about how Char was acutualy a pop-troll and was adopted into the royal family, Poppy connects the dots rather quickly. Realizing that Char used to live in the Troll Tree but didn't escape with the others. the whole visit was triggering for him.

She runs back to Pop Village looking forh im, only to find that Queen Barb had arrived to help set up the wedding, and she wants to know where her Brother is. Poppy blurts out what happened while trying to defuse the situation, and that only serves to rile Barb up further. Until Poppy snaps, yellling at Barb that they need to go looking for Char not fight here! This impresses Barb into agreeing.

Poppy finds him and they end up having a heart to heart, and confessing...

The wedding goes on as planned. On the neutral ground of the Troll Tree, allowing Char to visit his late Grandmother's home for the first time in twenty years.

All seems well...Until one John Dory screams, "Stop the Wedding!"

...

I will post part two in a separate post because this is long!

Part two, and Part three

Edit: The prolog for this fic, which is basically Char's child hood is now posted on Ao3. Link

[thechosenof]

The Rabbit Bites Back

(A/N) First fanfic on here and it’s of this stupid egg for some reason. I am in the most fierce battle of a love-hate relationship with this bald man. LOL. Maybe I should just leave this as a one-shot, but I could totally see it being a little series with Rook and Solas in the Veil. Word count is 1546. Don't read unless you've finished the game! Spoilers ahead! I would appreciate any feedback! 

TW: Fighting and blood. AFAB Rook, she is addressed by she/her. I think that's it.

The Dread Wolf is a liar. He had lied to so many before—the Evanuris, the Inquisition, and even his lover. It is his nature. So I don’t know why it came as such a surprise to myself that he had lied to me as well. Perhaps, during our time together in the Fade, I had misunderstood our ‘tenuous relationship’ as something resembling camaraderie, even a friendship. But now, as I stood in front of him, my companions defeated and tired behind me, I watched as he began cutting into the Veil. He was ready to end this world that we had just saved, to rebuild the one taken from him.

"Ma harel lasa," I hissed, the elven words dripping from my tongue. My voice carried across Achon Palace, sharp as a claw. Solas paused before he turned to look at me over his shoulder. His gaze was cold and unyielding, demanding submission.

"You knew that I was called the god of lies, treachery, and betrayal, da’len," he said. His tone was calm, almost condescending. My nose twitched in distaste at his choice of words that aimed to belittle me. I took a step forward, my gray eyes locked on his purple like a rabbit facing its natural predator.

“Yet you said that you were no god.” My voice rang a bitter scoff as I climbed the stairs toward him. Before I could even breach half the distance, his left hand shot out and his magic unfurled in a green wave that caught me mid-stride. Pain locked me in place just as much as his magic did. My teeth clenched, a groan of defiance caught in my throat. Behind me, I heard my companions’ shouts, their desperation echoing against the crumbling stone walls. Solas, however, didn’t spare them a glance. He was good at that, disregarding those that he saw beneath him, and now he had no reason to even feign interest.

"Do you not see?" he asked, his frustration surfacing in the scrunch of his brows, a glint of sorrow in his violet eyes showing his feelings. “If I do not do this, everything I have done—everyone I have hurt— It will have been for naught. Their sacrifices cannot be in vain.” I started yet again, ready to pick him apart, lie by pathetic lie like a rabbit snacking on its favorite foods, but a calm voice stopped me mid-breath.

“But what if those you’ve hurt were the ones begging you to stop?” The Inquisitor’s voice rang out from behind me, steady yet trembling with emotion. Solas faltered and eyes widened as he turned to face her completely. I watched as his delicately crafted mask began to slip, her sudden appearance obviously not anticipated by the deceitful wolf.

“Ma vhenan,” he murmured and I held my breath. I know that they had once been involved, but I dearly underestimated to what extent. Regret softened his features and uncurled his brows. Her light footsteps carried her past me, her long black hair flowing behind her as my eyes took in her form. She stood in front of him and ever so gently, she laid a hand on his shoulder. In that brief moment of consolation Solas’ magic fell apart and dropped me limply. I felt Davrin’s hands wrap around my waist to pull me into his strong arms.

Solas' voice cracked as he spoke to the Inquisitor, as though ashamed to meet her loving gaze. It seemed that he felt unworthy of her sentiments, but as he opened his treacherous mouth once more I realized that there was more to it.

"I am sorry, but I cannot. Not even for you and what we once shared." His words were both a plea and a sentence. I watched her expression crumble into anguish, but she didn’t move away. Instead, she tightened her grip on him.

“You don’t have to do this, Solas. You can still—”

“No.” His voice hardened, and with a swift motion, he turned away from her making her hand fall limply to her side. I bit into my bottom lip, the iron of my blood flickering across my tongue. If he wouldn’t even listen to the one he held most dear, what were we to do?

The crackling energy of his spell surged once more and the Veil shuddered as his power pressed against it. From above, a crow swooped low as I began to spiral, its black wings brushed against my cheek like a fleeting caress. Comfort? Warning? I didn’t know but then Morrigan’s form shifted from feather to flesh, her presence taking us all by surprise as she stood beside the Inquisitor, facing Solas’ back.

“Morrigan?” Solas’ voice questioned, confusion knitting his brow. He hadn’t expected her. She smiled knowingly.

“That is of the many names I have taken. But there is also…” Her voice faded into the background as I wobbled to my feet, my focus narrowing on the wolf in sheep's clothing standing before me.

“Rook?” Davrin caught my arm, his grip tight but not bruising. I turned to face him only to see his expression was a mix of desperation and confusion. To him, it must have seemed that we were gaining the high ground, that Solas could be reasoned with. But I could see the wolf’s fangs even if he couldn’t. It broke my heart to know what I was going to do to him after promising a happy life with him, after finally convincing him that life was worth more than he thought.

“Whatever it takes,” I murmured sadly as my pale hand hooked behind his neck pulling us together. I pressed my forehead to his and closed my eyes for a few seconds before pulling away.

“Wait—” he started, but I slipped from his grasp and began to stalk up behind Solas quietly. Each step felt heavier than the last, the weight of the moment crushing. I knew what was coming and what I had to do. He had always seen me as nothing more than a da’len to be used and manipulated, a wolf playing with a rabbit before sinking its canines into delicate flesh.

Varric’s face flashed behind my eyes, the last time I’d seen him in the fade after Solas had swapped our places. He believed that Solas could be redeemed, but I knew better now. Even if we saved him this time, it wouldn’t be long before he stabbed us in the back again. Solas had done it time and time again for centuries, and through his regrets I came to understand that he had manipulated even himself into believing that he was correct and validated in his choices.

The fragment of Mythal we had taken from the Crossroads left Morrigan’s body and vanished back into the statuette. Solas collapsed, his lean form folding as though the burden of being her soldier for centuries had finally overwhelmed him. His Inquisitor knelt beside him, her voice soft as she pleaded with him to stop this madness, to leave into the fade with her by his side. But when he raised his head, his eyes were empty.

“I am sorry, ma vhenan,” he whispered before binding her and Morrigan with his magic. It was then that I acted. My fist connected with his jaw and sent him jeering back. I took that chance to lunge for the blade he was holding. Clutching the hilt with both hands overtop of his, time seemed to move impossibly quickly as we both grappled for control of the blade.

His head shot forward, striking mine in a headbutt. Pain spread across my skull, and in that split second, he drove the blade into my stomach. I gasped, the sharp cold of the blue blade stealing my breath away.

“I am sorry for this final betrayal,” he said, his voice holding no malice.

“But it is over.”

Adrenaline surged through me and with a snarl, the rabbit bit down on the wolf’s pointed ear. The wolf cried out, his claws reaching to cradle his wound, and letting go of the blade. The rabbit yanked it from her body and staggered back a step before tackling the wolf, forcing him to the ground. With his arms pinned above his head, the rabbits hips straddling his waist, she leaned down and slashed the blade across his matted fur, slicing open his paw.

“Yes,” I whispered, my voice trembling with resignation.

“It is over.”

I looked behind me one final time, my eyes locking with Davrin's as Lucanis held him back from charging toward me. He was yelling for me, his face screwed in anguish. My head fell to my chin as I bitterly glared at the struggling man beneath me. He snarled and bit at my fur, never having expected the rabbit to best him. I let out a breath as tears pricked my eyes thinking of the happy fairy tale I will never get to live with my friends. Letting out a deep breath, I pushed back the tears for just a moment to smile at the companions I will be leaving behind.

The Veil tear widened as Solas and I were dragged into its depths together, his voice yelling out in despair as each of our loved ones watched helplessly.

“Vhenan.” Heart/My heart. “Ma harel lasa.” You lied to me. “Da’len.” Child.

[alpaca-clouds]

Why I loathe CoD Hector

Something I really wanted to write a proper blog on, is Hector. I answered on another blog on this before, and wrote a shorter thing about this before. But I really wanted to write something on its own. Because I will once again iterate: While Hector in the animated series definitely gets to finish out his character arc, he works a lot better as a character than his game counterpart. And that even though the game came out at the time, where Castlevania tried to go more for storytelling.

Yet, there is this thing, and that mostly comes from it still being an old action-centric game... How the need of making the main characters of action games until sometime in the 2010s into the stoic kind kinda made them worse characters.

I said it before: The Castlevania games for the longest part never really were that interested in telling characterdriven stories and focused more on the gameplay. Which is very much fine. But even when they tried to include more story, for the most part they still keep the brutish, stoic protagonist. Even Alucard, despite looking like a beautiful princess, is very much the stoic male protagonist. This is just a thing with action media that was going on for way too long. Sure, even stoic characters could make for good fan interpretation in stuff like fanfics, it often is an issue that the media itself does not want to actually explore the characters emotions.

Or, to make it fairly clear: This has very much to do with this idea of toxic masculinity. A lot of old action media (not only games, but also movies and such) will not allow male action heroes to show emotional vulnerability, because that would be unmasculine in the eyes of the writers. Which then boils the characters down onto the supposedly "masculine" emotions, like anger and the urge for revenge.

And this is kinda where we get to Curse of Darkness.

We have this whole backstory through the manga, that goes into Hector's background and all that. While I will say that here I prefer the animated version, too, I will fully admit that this is just a subjective thing (I like that the animated version draws some clearer cultural aspects into it, while also giving Hector the agency of killing his abusers, rather than having it happen as an accident), because I definitely can see why people would prefer the manga version.

Where this ends, however, is already at the moment when Hector joins Dracula. Yes, I will fully admit that I am not a big fan of game!Dracula in general, though I will not go into the why here. He works as a game villain, I will admit that, though.

No, what I dislike about Hector's story with Dracula is more the: "And he becomes like the best forgemaster. Like he is so amazing and so strong, and did we tell you how amazing he is?" It goes too much into the power fantasy to me. While I get that the game canon heavily drew on this idea of the main conflict between Hector and Isaac being one of jealousy... I will just say, that a conflict of jealousy is actually so much more boring than a conflict of ideals. And the backstory by far had enough going on there to make it a conflict of ideals, as Hector did still - like in the animated version - not like the idea of killing thousands. Which could have been used for a lot of conflict, but... yeah.

I will still say, that for the most part, the backstory works. While I roll my eyes already at everything with Rosaly, because Rosaly is very much the incanation of the trope where this pure hearted girl saves the soul of the corrupted man (I don't know how this trope is called, but it is for sure a trope), it does work so far.

No, where Hector as a game character stops working is... at the game. Or rather in the moment that Rosaly does do the thing that she as the sole female character in this entire fucking story has to do: She dies so that her death can motivate Hector. And that is to me where game Hector as a character does stop working.

They could have given Hector any motivation to face off against Isaac. They had put up more than enough story fragments in the manga that they could have build from. They could have made it that Isaac wanted to go for revenge and before he could do it, Hector tried to go in there to protect the people he had now learned to love. They could have made it that Isaac tried to ressurect Dracula. They could have made it that Isaac tried to continue Dracula's work until Hector decided that he could not let his former friend do this, because Hector now knows better. There could have been several interesting and good motivations.

But no. Instead they went with: "Girl dead. Boy sad. Boy angry. Boy wants revenge." The fuck?! This is just so bad in terms of storytelling. It is just the refrigerated woman trope, in its most lazy iteration.

They could have given Hector an interesting motivation and conflict. But no, instead they went for revenge. Ugh.

But that was not enough for the writers of this game. Ooooooh no. If it was just that, I would still hate it, but I would be fine with it. Because let's face it, a lot of games use the "revenge for loved ones" trope. Sure, this game is not using it in the most creative way, and it could have done a lot better from the backstory that was set up in other media, but... It is fine. This is fine.

What is not fine however is Julia. I hate Julia. I hate everything about her as a concept.

And again, mind you. I absolutely would not have a problem with Julia if she was just "some girl" or just "Isaac's sister". Then Julia would be fine. It would even be fine if Hector caught feelings for her, even though I would once again roll my eyes at this.

No, what makes Julia so offensive is the fact that she looks and sounds like Rosaly. Meaning, that she explicitly, not just implicitly exists to be a replacement for Rosaly. And that just makes it all so, so badly written.

Worst of all: This gets never explained. Julia just is Rosaly's doppelganger. Just because... Well, because the writers of this game wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted to motivate Hector by revenge for a dead girl, but also wanted to have him end with the girl. And it is just... misogynic writing. I am sorry.

It portrays women as "things" that can be easily replaced. And I hate this so, so much. It is the reason why, even though CoD might not be the worst game in the series, it is by far the one I loathe the most.

And they could have so easily done it differently. Either by not motivating Hector through Revenge in the first place, or by just making Julia a different person from Rosaly. Make her strikingly different and then have Hector fall for Julia. That would have been fine. Just this: "I broke one doll, but I will just get a replacement" thing that game has going is... horrible.

And yes, additionally I will say that another reason why I do prefer the animated version of Hector is, that he is not the stoic kind of character, but he is actually fairly vulnerable. He is a bit of an idiot who easily fall for people. He definitely does not get to have his power fantasy. But it is exactly this that I like. Because it is a story we usually do not get with male characters.

The story of Hector in the animated series is very much a story that would have usually been given to a female character. And I adore this fact. I adore how they switched the gender stereotypes around for this.

Yes, I am well aware that some fans of the games hated this, too. But I honestly have to say: Look, the game characters might have some minor differences, but all in all they all fall under the stereotype of the stoic action protagonist. Yeah, the series needed to switch this around a bit, because it would have gotten boring otherwise.

And frankly. I am sooooo sick of protagonists being all stoic all the time. Give us some variety. It won't kill these characters to smile from time to time... Or, you know, be vunerable.

[avelera]

I admittedly haven’t seen much OFMD S2 criticism but I did masochistically go looking to see what the major complaints were.

I’m not all that interested in addressing individual critiques. Some of them made sense to me. Some of them were a bit silly. Some were clearly based on the show not being the fanfic people had written in their heads after they watched S1. Some were mad for the inevitable shipping reasons.

But what I think is the most important thing for OFMD fans and fans of any ongoing story to remember is this:

The sequel will never be able to match the fact you watched the first part without preconceived expectations.

No second season of OFMD could ever match the fact that no one was expecting Season 1. They weren’t expecting the kiss. They can’t recapture the uncertainty and euphoria of that relationship becoming canon. They can’t recreate the audience discovering its unique mix of Muppet humor and heartfelt drama with glancing moments of historical accuracy, all awash in stageplay level special effects as a love letter to old-school pirate plays and musicals. You can’t ever experience that again for the first time.

If these two seasons had aired back to back, far from seeing a decrease in quality or change in tone, I think you’d find they match one another very closely and seamlessly throughout. It was only the long break that allowed people to imagine certain story beats or characterizations or threads like historical accuracy as being more important than they were.

If Season 1 had ended, say, with the, “Never left.” beat while “The Chain” played as the last thing we saw before the credits rolled and the wait for S2 began, the fandom landscape and expectations would have been wildly different. But then, every OFMD episode adds wildly new elements, they’re all very different from each other, and anyone who thought any one those elements would be the new constant tone of the show going forward would be wrong. And yet, that’s what happened inevitably after the last episode of S1.

Honestly, I thought it was a bit of a shame, from a fanfic writer perspective only, that S1 ended on such a dark note because it was so out of keeping with 90% of the rest of the show but inevitably, I knew the fandom and fan writers would latch onto that dark thread in an effort to continue the story, since it’s where S1 left off. But OFMD was always going to resolve that separation quickly then return to humor and hijinks (albeit with notes of drama and more serious emotions, as it always has) , it’s right there in the romcom plot structure, a structure which owes much more to OFMD’s DNA than any historical pirate drama.

*Sigh* Anyway, I’m excited for the season finale. And truly I haven’t seen much criticism, but I’ve been chewing on these thoughts since I woke up to critiques of ep 6-7 last week and was then baffled by it once I saw the episodes myself. So there it is.

[evolnoomym]

Hello, Mina, darling!

for the end of the year fic asks i have some questions for you 😍

14, 25, 27

xoxo

Okayyyyyy Aly my love, you asked hard questions and I’ll try my best to answer.

Disclaimer: Please don’t feel less loved just because you are not mentioned, it’s quite impossible to name all of you my precious friends. 🙏🏻🩵

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write?

Well I didn’t expect to write any of my fics, except “Runaway Butterfly 🦋” that one was the only planned fic.

I didn’t expect to be infected with the wip curse but one day it started and hasn’t stopped since. 🤣

Anyway to seriously answer I’ll name a bunch, for one I didn’t expect to write “Little Freak🌛” and its second part “Secrets and Lies 🌜” but the slut inside of me took over after watching some very interesting porn. 🤣🤣

I also didn’t expect to actually write that Post-Outbreak idea I had sooooo long ago and then boom “Smile For Me🌿” was born. It will most likely take some time before a whole chapter will get released but I’m working on it. I hope it will be enjoyed. 🙏🏻

And lastly i really didn’t imagine that my first ever released Fic would be “How far does the dark go? 🖤” that was my first taste of the Murder Daddy Dave York world and I’ve never been the same person as before 🤤

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read?

Yet again difficult to answer but I give some examples (in no particular order) :

- I gotta shoutout my Daddy and the Fic that hopefully everyone knows “BDSMAID” by @mountainsandmayhem a blessing and it got a special place in my memory as it was my first time beta reading ☺️🥰

- “𝐚 𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧” & “𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝” by @ozarkthedog are incredible 😍

- a all time favorite is also the series “Short Days, Long Nights” by @frannyzooey I can tell y’all that this left a huge impact on me 🙏🏻

- I 100% recommend @shellshocklove ‘s series “brat!” it is filled with tasty smut and still doesn’t lack plot 🙌🏻😈

- Next up “sweet child o' mine” by @macfrog , the emotions I went through over this entire series are mind blowing, Max writing is phenomenal 😇

- Since I find great enjoyment in Daddy kink, it’s no surprise that “intermission” by @joelsdagger took me out completely 😛😋

- Last but not least I’d point out the masterpiece that is “swept away” by @punkshort (as well as all her other writing 😍🙏🏻)

27. favorite fanfic author of the year?

Again I can’t just name one, so I’ll give a few:

@liltangerineart @aurorawritestoescape @mrsmando @milla-frenchy @joelmillerisapunk @joeloverture @cavillscurls @netherfeildren @strang3lov3 @beefrobeefcal @toxicanonymity @gutsby @pedge-page @sp00kymulderr @lotusbxtch @ace-turned-confused @ovaryacted @wintrwinchestr @beardedjoel @jolapeno @thundermartini @pedgito @moonlitbirdie @pedropeach

(Some links are a bit weird but idk how to fix it so bare with me 🙏🏻🫠)

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Hello! I have been a long time fan of your work but finally got the courage to send a request. Could your write headcannons/scenario or whatever you like about about Nozel who has a crush on reader and reader really likes him back but she compares herself to Acier and doesn't think she is good enough for him and house Silva. Nozel thinks she does not return his feelings until he figures it out or finds out how she feels from someone else. I think it will be really sweet to see Nozel overcome his insecurities and comfort reader's as well.

Hiya~! ^^

I have seen you regularly in my notes, and am glad to hear that you've been enjoying my work. I know I took more than my sweet time with this, but I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless ^^

Pairing: Nozel Silva x f!reader

Genre: Hurt-comfort

Fanfic type: Oneshot (from Nozel's and reader's pov)

Length: ~2,0k

Content: Themes of self-doubt (on both reader's and Nozel's part), some crying, Nozel being hesitant, well, Nozel being Nozel (does that count?? he's not exactly the best when it comes to comforting, but he tries!), Nozel comforts reader, semi-open ending (future of the relationship isn't properly established), but still, a happy ending, a hug with Nozel

Nozel sat by his desk, late at night, accompanied by nothing else than the candle on his desk. Its flame vibrated with each breath he made, not that he noticed it. The flutter and the dance of the source of light that, no matter how small and tender, was as if alive, and cast its light onto the desk and the room.

But his eyes did not see it. His senses paid no mind to it as his mind was engulfed into other things. The events of the day. Which... did not make sense.

Or they did, and they didn’t.

For quite some time he had known that most women in the kingdom would pledge themselves to him, as his partner, if he only mentioned it. Not because they loved him, but because of his status. And wealth.

There was a sickening aftertaste to the thought, but... it was a fact. Most would gladly welcome his advances just because of... who he was, on paper; the merits, the name, and the titles. Not because of who he was as a person. Which was why he had never before pursued anyone. He simply couldn’t have trusted most with their genuine emotions when it came to himself.

Until he had met you.

He was sure that you weren’t untruthful with your interactions, conversations, smiles and laughs with him. Oh no. You were being honest with him.

Your strength, your grace, and your... entire being... were genuine. Which was one of the reasons, or so he presumed, why he had fallen in love with you.

After much deliberation, he was sure, and had admitted it to himself, that he did, in fact, love you. And thus, he had sent the flowers, along with a card, as a setting for asking you to accompany him to a restaurant on the following day, for dinner.

But... Well, he hadn’t been sure of... what to expect. He had hoped that you’d accept. He had hoped that you’d... maybe look surprised at first, but that you would have accepted.

But you didn’t.

You had told him that unfortunately you were busy. That your schedule was quite packed.

The conversation had been brief, but he could recognize excuses when he heard them.

And so, he took the hint.

You weren’t interested in him.

And so... he found himself wondering, if he really was that unlovable. Which would be his own doing, not yours, of course but...

He couldn’t shake the thoughts, and the nagging feeling of ... loneliness.

And I dared to... hope that she’d... he managed to think before closing his eyes, and letting a heavy breath flow past his lips.

Perhaps it’d be better to not dwell on those emotions, for the night. He still had a lot of work to complete.

----

The ceiling of your bedroom was dark, lit only by the faint glow of the silver moon and the stars outside of your bedroom. The air was still, but light. And no sound disturbed the moment, the room and the space which seemed untouched by even time itself.

And in that room, you wondered about what... what he might see in you.

Sure, you seemed to have a lot easier time conversing with him than most, you were not blind to the fact. And you did care for him. You really, really did.

Your heart ached for him in a way that you couldn’t explain, which was why, when he had asked, it had felt as if your body was screaming for you to accept the request. Accept a dream come true; a dream that you hadn’t really even dared to hope.

But... another thought, though spoken with a much more quiet tone from the back of your head, which seemed to whisper: ‘Will you be good enough? Are you sure that you’re good enough?’

And... was someone really good enough to marry into a family that was still known for someone like Acier Silva?

She had been strong, beautiful and gentle. She had been someone that was still known to be the grace and gem of the House of Silva. Someone who wasn’t weak, no matter how you chose to see it.

But you... when you started to think about it, list every insecurity you had... Well... Could you really follow in the footsteps of someone like her?

Not many could but... maybe someone might.

However, that someone... wasn’t you. You were far away from the pristine knight and woman that had been Acier. It was clear as day to you.

And so... you had to wonder what exactly Nozel had seen in you.

But whatever it was, was a fallacy. You were convinced of it.

So... no matter how much your heart wept at the moment, of which spoke the glistening tears that climbed into your eyes, it had been your ... responsibility to... not lead him into thinking that you might be something more than... whatever it was that he thought you to be.

No matter how painful it might have been... you felt that you... owed it. To someone. Maybe yourself. To shield yourself from first daring to hope that you might be enough for him, and then... only find yourself getting your heart broken. So, it was better to just... deal with the pain, now, than some time in the future.

Which was why you rolled onto your side, in your bed, and squeezed your eyes shut as a quiet sob broke past your lips.

---

“I heard that you asked someone out for a date,” Nebra had commented during afternoon tea before Solid had arrived.

Nozel glanced at her from the corner of his eye without a reply. This was not something that he wanted to discuss, with anyone. And no matter what might have been Nebra’s intentions, he couldn’t be sure that she’d be... exactly pleasant about it.

“And I hear that you were turned down,” she continued, making Nozel put down his tea cup.

She was getting a little bold with this conversation. Which was... somewhat uncalled for, because Nebra did respect him. Or so he had thought, until this moment.

But still, he said nothing. Hoping that she would take the hint of him not wanting to discuss the matter any further. It was hurtful enough without whatever comment she might have.

“But I also hear that... she’s pretty heartbroken,” she thought out loud while putting down her own teacup and picking up a tiny sandwich from a plate.

He frowned, quite visibly. Because that statement didn’t make sense. After all, you had been the one to turn him down, not the other way around. So... it didn’t... it just didn’t make sense. Unless it would have been some ... ploy to coax attention, which... was very unlike you.

“Oh?” He only uttered, trying to sound as collected as possible. And for that purpose, a mere utterance such as that was the best.

Nebra let out a hum of confirmation. “Something about not living up to our mother’s legacy,” she shrugged. “Just something I overheard,” she added before taking a bite of the delicacy.

“Hm,” he uttered again, confused, saddened, annoyed, and happy, at the same time. The jumble of emotions inside of him seemed to twist and turn in a way that he wasn’t sure... what he’d make of it.

But one thing he did know was that he needed to talk to you.

---

“We need to talk.”

That had been what he had stated to you.

There had been a sense of urgency in his tone. Along with a mixture of emotions that you couldn’t quite name. And yet... there was an essence of something that you didn’t think that you’d hear from the great, proud, Nozel Silva: a plea.

So, you nodded. Just nodded. And let him escort you to the side, where he looked at you for the longest time, as if he wasn’t sure from where to begin.

He wasn’t sure, but still, he needed to begin from somewhere.

“I was told...” he begun, and cleared his throat. “That... you... turned down my previous... suggestion on the accounts of you not... living up to the memory of my mother.”

There was something rather... ludicrous to it when he said it out loud. But... that was what you thought. That you’d never be good enough for him.

“And I’m...” he uttered, stopping there, not sure how to continue that thought. Maybe because he didn’t know where to go from there.

You wouldn’t really have known where to go from there either.

So, instead, you continued with your thought. “I’d never be good enough for you,” you stated. As if a fact.

“So you decided for me, what I deem good enough for myself?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

And while it wasn’t an uncalled for question to ask, it didn’t exactly make you feel better.

But... you also didn’t have a reply to the question. Because... that was what you had done. You had decided, for both of you, that you weren’t enough for him.

“Look...” he started as his eyes fell to the side, and a faintest of blushes decorated his cheeks. “You are... the first person who... I met, that wouldn’t... if so chosen, be with me for my status and wealth alone,” his tone was quiet, and apprehensive, as if he was scared of speaking out the words. “And that takes... strength,” the latter word, was confident.

His gaze lifted to yours, which only spoke of his certainty. He was being honest with his thoughts.

“It takes a backbone,” he emphasized. “And... you have the kind of grace that would be... Sometimes being a knight isn’t graceful. But even in those moments, it is of upmost importance to carry oneself with dignity.” He sounded more like he was speaking out of a place of work.

But it carried forth the sentiment.

“I have seen that grace, and dignity, in you,” he added. “And you’re also kind... gentle and beautiful,” his eyes averted again. “You are smart and capable.”

Whatever hesitance that was in his tone, wasn’t because of words spoken out of malice, but out of laying his emotions bare; out in the open.

“And... while I can see why someone with such qualities wouldn’t-“ he paused. The confidence in his words, seemed to halt in place, as if hit a wall, during the brief silence that appeared between the two of you. “Deem someone as... insistent as.... myself I...” he trailed off, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I can’t imagine why such a person wouldn’t deem themselves fit for the House of Silva.”

His gaze lifted again, and looked at you with the most earnest of expressions.

But you didn’t have words to give him.

What words could you have given, after a testimony such as that? Especially when it came from a man, who was distant, most of the time; a man who seemed to show no emotions. And yet, now he was there, with you, telling you just how much he thought of you. In a way that he could.

You took a step forward, and wrapped your arms around him middle, sinking your nose into the fluff of his cape, which smelled like rose water and bergamot.

His body tensed with your touch. But he didn’t move away. Not as much as lean away from your touch.

Instead, after what must’ve been only a few breaths, he leaned in, wrapping his arms around you, as a reply.

“It is not you, who is unworthy,” he whispered, right next to your ear.

And in that whisper, you could feel his emotions, the gentle nothings that his heart wished to utter. The very presence of his soul, even if only as a hushed tone, barely a whisper.

Where might all this lead, was still hidden from you. But... wherever that might have been, the destination of the road, on which you were stepping, together, you were certain that would be better, than the road left un-ventured.

[xxnashiraxx]

New Year Writing Tag

Thank you for tagging me @ladyduellist!! I tried to pour over my notifications to see if anyone else tagged me in this so if I missed you, I'm sorry!! 💕

What's Been Your Biggest Learning Point This Past Year? I think for me, it's been been note taking! I never used to do that, and I have like 30 notes open in my phone of ideas, future dialogue, scenes, etc. It's helped so much!

How Has Your Writing Developed This Past Year? I think it's gone really well! I struggled a lot in the beginning of the year. I started writing my fic in April and only started posting in July, but thank goodness I took all those months to do it because I could clearly see how different it was between all those months and I was able to edit it to my satisfaction! I feel I've come a long way from where I was just a year ago 💗

Good Writing Habits? Note-taking! So much note-taking! It also helps me sustain my inspiration and motivation. Also, taking breaks to work on other stuff, even things that never see the light of day. It helps me break everything up! 💕

Bad Writing Habits? I have to say straying off on like tumblr or something- I get distracted easily and I really should close those tabs while I'm trying to stay dedicated!! Also, editing while I'm trying to make progress- I tend to get completely engrossed and miss so much development time. *sigh*

Favorite Thing You Wrote? So far, Chapter 6 of With Stars to Fill My Dream. It's my bite-night chapter and I am really proud of it- it has all that fun vampire stuff I like, lots of fun prose, some "Astarion lost in the sauce" moments, and honestly I just really love vampires. It felt good to finally write a bite scene after being obsessed with vampires for most of my life, lol.

Favorite Reads? Man, I haven't been reading actual books in a while, I have dipped into Dracula again recently but I'll link some of my fave fanfics I've read this year!

Until You by @bloodinwine (seriously do yourself a favor and read this fic- it's insanely beautiful, raw, and so powerful. It's such an emotional journey, I have yet to get fully caught up, but my GOD just everything is done so well and I guarantee you'll fall in love with Effy)

Not Your Sweetheart by @kittenintheden (again, another AMAZING fic- I have been in love with Ori since I first read this. She's such a wonderful, quick-witted, lovely character that I am still obsessed with, and again, I've been falling behind in catching up on fics but I'm so excited to finally do so here soon!)

Slip Away Today by @ladyduellist (COWBOY ASTARION!! Need I say more?? I am obsessed with this fic- I love it, I love Lady sm, and it's just. Incredible. YA'LL need to read this because it delivers. Perfect, Old West Faerun)

La Petite Mort by @pinkberrytea (This fic fundamentally changed me on a molecular level. Absolutely amazing and so hot- do yourself a favor and read this for some vampire bite fun and to just melt into the ground. Honestly, anything from Berry just slaps)

Hellish Rebuke by @bludazey (Another fic I NEED to get caught up in, but just SO well written- I've actually had to put my phone down while reading a few times just to *absorb* the words and also take an emotional break. I love Lilith so much and fully intend on descending into this completed masterpiece this year so I can not only show it the love it deserves but finally see where those two end up)

Khywren's Kinktober Series by @khywren (INSANITY. PERFECTION. All of these are AMAZING- I've loved every single one and I am so in love with Ysera and her relationship with Astarion. All of Khy's work is top-notch, and if you're looking for heartwarming writing, amazing smut, and wonderful characterization look no further.)

And may I also interest you in the amazing friends I know that have made such exemplary stories and beautiful fics? @preciouslittlebhaalbae with her INCREDIBLE bg3 isekai that steals my breath with its tenderness and raw, emotional scenes- @verbenaa with her lovely Tav, Rin, and her journey with Astarion that I MUST CONTINUE, but Chloe's other amazing works are just as wonderful- @elinorbard and her AMAZING DURGETASH- guys, please give her fics a read- @inkymoonbunny and her amazing Branded Blood series!! Tiefling Astarion! What more can I say? You'll fall in love with Flare immediately and want to see these two heal and love each other :") @badbloodwitch who deserves all the love and praise on her incredible Astarion works and AA fics- passionate, sad, loving- just everything you could hope for! You'll sense there's a running theme of me being behind in reading, but don't be like me and go read all these!!

Biggest Win? Making friends!! I have been away from anything social like writing and posting fics and art for so long and I feel like I lost so much in those years of stagnation. I finally feel almost like I'm supposed to- happy, excited to experience each day, and desperately lacking in time to do all the things I love, but I persist! 💕

Goals for the New Year? Finishing With Stars to Fill My Dream! I'm starting to write Act 1.5/2 right now, and I'm hoping by the end of the year that I'm closing the book on Ofelia and Astarion's main journey. Hopefully, I'll even be starting the much shorter sequel! I have some plans for these two and I'm really excited to put them into writing. 💕

Your Favorite Word of the Year, AKA the Words You Check Each Chapter for, Making Sure You Didn't Repear them 788 Times? Haha, yes- "rubies", "plush", "fingers", "crimson", "blood". Got a lot of those in there, sorry guys.

What Are You Excited for In the New Year? Catching up on my friend's fics and writing more!! And improving on my art- I haven't been drawing in about 6 years so I'm excited to try and keep improving as much as I can!!

I feel like I've tagged a lot of people here, so if you've been mentioned above consider yourself tagged! Adding a few no-pressure ones below, as well! 💗

@vividiana @andromedaancunin @justabiteofspite @nerdallwritey @lanafofana @kalmiaphlox @busy-baker @caffeinatedmunchkin @alwaysmauria @heylittleriotact @vividiana @roguishcat @bardic-inspo

[piebingo]

Young Royals fanfic recommendations, again

Like because, love despite | chaptered | completed | by cali-chan (girls_are_weird) / @girls-are-weird

Simon let out a huff. "For our plan! Remember? To get Englund and August to do business together so we can get them to cut us some slack?"

Wille frowned, confused. "Wait, I thought that was a joke."

"It was," Simon conceded. But then he leaned closer, conspiratorially, and lowered his voice, making Wille's traitor heart start nearly beating its way out of his chest. "But... what if it wasn't?" he asked, pronouncing the words very slowly.

Wilhelm and Simon are a pair of overworked, underpaid assistants who team up to gain their supervisors' favor by bringing them together for a joint venture. It might be the best worst idea they've ever had.

Based on the movie Set It Up, which I haven’t seen, but damn. What a good and fun AU! I had a lot of joy reading it as a wip but I’m excited to do a binge reread soon. If you love romcoms, this is for you.

The umbrella | chaptered | completed | by gulliblelemon / @gulliblelemon

Simon’s head snapped up and he looked behind him.

“Oh my God,” Simon muttered.

Wilhelm strode towards him and shook his head slightly. He stopped when he was a few paces from him.

“Hi,” he said, an incredulous look still on his face.

Meeting the Crown Prince once was weird, twice had been just bizarre, but three times?

A University AU in which Simon and Wilhelm meet by accident when Simon is working in Bjärstad and Wilhelm is a student. They continue to bump into each other until they start to form a tentative friendship.

This was a fun one based on an interesting premise. I liked how the relationship developed, and I also really liked the friendships.

Fuck the monarchy | chaptered | completed | by itsme_hi_imtheproblem / @iwouldnevergetintofanfic

Simon and Wille get stuck with each other when they both intern at the riksdag.

Wille is intent to just get this dreaded thing over with. Simon can't believe he of all people has to work not only with an old conservative but with the literal prince.

Both are surprised by the inexplicable and inevitable pull they feel towards each other.

Hot and sweet and interesting. I loved to watch their relationship grow. Their banter was on point and it was a real treat to read.

Obviously | chaptered | completed | by grapehyasynth / @grapehyasynth

In their final year of secondary school, Simon and Wille find themselves entering a potent, secret relationship that threatens to upend both their lives. It can't last, but neither can they stop being a part of each other's lives. Over the next few years, even as everything around them changes, even as they hurt and lose each other, they keep finding themselves drawn together.

Normal People AU

Obviously. No but seriously. This story broke me and then repaired me. I’ve never read/watched the source material but this AU is insane.

The Prince And The Popstar - Fuck The Monarchy And Other Hits | chaptered | completed | by @pagegirlintraining and @the-amber-fox

International superstar and chaos gay Simon Eriksson is more than surprised to find none other than Prince Wilhelm of Sweden in the audience at one of his concerts. Especially after he’s slandered the monarchy more than once in his songs (Fuck the monarchy - the album) and online (in excessively long burn threads).

His next decision brings together what shouldn’t fit. Can they overcome the forces trying to push them apart? Can their young love surmount the rising pressure?

What can I say other than this was delightful and made me feel all of the emotions? There’s many things I can say, I’d the answer. It was fun and had cliffhangers and I loved every part of it. Even the pain.

Other recs: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Heyy! I just wanted to say I LOVE your writing and read your fanfics all the time!! I just wanted to ask (if you are not busy) could you write a fanfic in which reader and Draco breakup but reader realises they made a mistake and want Draco back? Thanks for all the other amazing writing you have xx lots of love <333

Thank you so much for your request! Writing this was quite a challenge for some reason and I still don´t know how I like the outcome, but I really hope that you´ll enjoy reading.

By the way, I most likely won´t be uploading something in the next few weeks (as if I had a regular schedule for this anyway) because I´m going on vacation. So for the next two weeks, I´ll be lying at a beach in Thailand (for the first time in five years, I´m super excited) but I really hope that after this I´ll be inspired and write some new fics for y´all.

Secrets

Warnings: break-up; it´s pretty much an emotional rollercoaster

You raised your upper body slightly, resting its weight on your forearms, as you watched the figure sitting at the desk, his back turned to you, with narrowed eyes.

“Draco?”

The blond boy just hummed in response.

“When will you be done with this?”

“Just a little longer, love.”

“But that´s what you already said an hour ago.”, you said, letting out a dramatic sigh.

“It will take how long it will take, (Y/n). After this I´m all yours, I promise.”

“Pff, that´s what you always say.”, you huffed. “Until something else comes to your mind which is much more important than me again.”

“There is nothing more important to me than you, my love. You know that.”

“Oh yeah? Is that so? Because right now, you aren’t even looking at me.”

Draco groaned in defeat as he put down the quill and turned around in his chair to finally face you. And even though he held an annoyed frown on his face, originally intending to scold you, his expression softened rather quickly when he saw you lying on his bed in one of his sweaters, looking at him with doe eyes. Even though you were trying to hide it, Draco just knew you for way too long to miss the disappointment in your eyes. And while Draco Malfoy wasn’t one to care much about the feelings of others, when it came to his beloved girlfriend, he just couldn’t bear to see even the slightest hints of dejection.

So he quickly scribbled down one last sentence onto his parchment, before finally closing the book he had been hovering over for the last few hours, and with a few large steps, he walked over to his bed, letting himself fall down right next to you. The moment you felt the mattress lowering, you quickly shuffled over, huddling into the embrace of your boyfriend. Draco put an arm around you, as you rested your head on his chest.

“Are you happy now, love?”, he asked, letting out a low chuckle as you nodded eagerly. You could feel the vibration in his chest going through your entire body, making chills run down your spine. “But you know I can´t stay long, don’t you? I still have stuff to do.”

You pouted.

“Stuff, what kind of stuff?”

When Draco didn’t answer immediately, you glanced up at the boy, noticing how with a blank expression, he stared into the void.

“Draco?”, you asked in a soft voice, making the boy beneath you jolt.

He looked at you, seemingly confused for a second, before he got a grip on himself again and cleared his throat.

“Nothing- Nothing important. I´ll just… I´ll meet up with Crabbe and Goyle. We… still have… It´s some Quidditch stuff, you know? Nothing interesting.”

You frowned.

“Six years and I still don’t like these guys. I mean, the others are all so nice. Pansy and Blaise… But these two? I don’t know what you see in them.”

Draco raised an eyebrow as he glared down at you.

“You made it very clear that I shouldn’t criticize you for the choice of your friends early on. So do me the same favour, love, alright?”

You nodded in defeat, but you couldn’t help but add: “But you have to admit that they are… well, not the sharpest knife in the drawer to say the least.”

A small grin sneaked on your boyfriend's face again.

“Probably can´t argue with that. Merlin, I feel like a troll could beat them in their exams if it would try very hard.”

You let out a small giggle, making Draco´s grin only widen.

“So why don’t you just ditch your troll friends and spend the evening with me?”, you asked, glancing at Draco through your eyelashes hopefully.

But the boy just shook his head.

“Believe me, love, there´s nothing I´d rather do, but you know just as well as I do I can´t.”

“I know.”, you sighed. “The team would be lost without you, wouldn’t it? And I obviously can´t take that responsibility.”

“The team?”, Draco frowned, before he seemed to remember. “Oh yeah, of course. We can´t let those filthy Gryffindors win the cup once more, can we?”

You looked at Draco doubtfully. Because even though his words were making sense, by the way, his voice sounded and he avoided your gaze, you knew he was lying to you. Which unfortunately happened rather often since the school year had started.

You didn’t know what had happened over the summer holidays before your sixth year at Hogwarts had started. But you knew that ever since then, Draco had changed. At first, you had suspected that it had something to do with you and your relationship – for a frightful moment, you had even suspected that Draco might had fallen out of love with you or had someone else - but soon you had realized that Draco didn’t only behave differently around you, but in general. He was thin-skinned and easy to distract, and even though he spent much more time studying and practising Quidditch, his grades had dropped drastically and even though you hated to admit, Draco was a worse player than he had ever been before. From time to time, you had the feeling that the only moments he could truly relax were when it was just the two of you. Draco and you by now knew each other for way too long to actually hide your feelings from one another and most of the time it was useless anyway because you could read each other like a book. You loved how much your boyfriend was able to calm down when he was around you, however, you would have certainly preferred it, if he would have just told you what it was that was troubling these days. But even though you had encouraged him many times that he could talk to you and you had promised him that whatever he would tell you would stay between just the two of you, Draco had stubbornly denied to tell you anything at all. At some point, you had just given up trying, not because you didn’t want to know or because you didn’t care, but because you felt as if the most that you could do for the boy you loved was just to be there for him and give him the safe space he apparently needed so bad these days, making sure he knew that he could always talk to you but also not pressured into anything. You trusted Draco enough to believe that he would come around by the time he was ready to tell you, and until then, you had decided that you would just enjoy the moments you still had left with him, just like the one you had now.

So instead of pushing him any further, you just pecked his jawline, before nuzzling only deeper into his chest.

“I have no doubt you won´t. They won´t stand a chance against you this year.”

“Especially if my beautiful girlfriend will be in the stands cheering for me.”

“I´ll make sure to bring my pom-poms.”, you chuckled.

“I don´t care about those things. Though I´d really like to see you in one of those uniforms someday.”

You let out a laugh.

“Oh, I bet you do. But you should be focused on the snitch. Not on me.”

“As if I ever could take my eyes off you. No matter what you are wearing.”

“Don´t you dare to put the blame on me for last year´s disgrace, Malfoy!”

“I would never even dream of doing so, my love.”, he smiled, as the boy only pulled you closer, making you smile against his chest.

You weren’t quite sure how much time had passed, but Draco and you were still lying in his bed. Your head was still placed on his chest, but by now, you faced the ceiling, while Draco had wrapped an arm around you. A comfortable silence had spread across you, while you had put his large hand into your smaller ones, absentmindedly fiddling with the rings covering his delicate fingers. Your fingertips were tracing the lines in his hand, making Draco shiver under you, before turning it around, dancing over the back of it. You followed the lines of his veins, clearly visible under his pale skin, before you reached the button of his white shirt. Draco´s breath slowed down more and more, and his right arm, which was tangled in your hair, slowed down his movements more and more, while the blond boy´s mind slowly but steadily drifted away more and more. You smiled to yourself, as you played with the button, opening and closing it a few times, before suddenly, you stopped short. Because at the upper edge of the slit in Draco´s sleeve, you made out some lines of dark ink, a harsh contrast on his fair skin.

“What is this?”, you asked, as you curiously tried to tuck the sleeve up a bit. “Did you get a tattoo and didn’t tell me?”

Draco blinked down at you in confusion when your words made him snap out of his haze, but the moment he realized what you were talking about, he quickly pulled his arm away and jolted up, making you fall from his chest and yelp in surprise.

“Draco, what the hell?”, you laughed as you looked at the boy who was staring at you with widened eyes.

Your boyfriend took a deep breath and forced a wry smile at you.

“Sorry, love. I almost fell asleep. I just startled.”

You shrugged and smiled at him, not holding it against him.

“So tell me. What´s that?”, you asked again, nodding in the direction of Draco´s arm.

“Nothing. It´s nothing.”, Draco responded, feeling clearly uncomfortable as he avoided your gaze.

“There are pretty many things that are nothing today, don’t you think?”, you asked as you watched him gulp nervously.

“I just don´t want to bore you with unimportant things.”

“Oh please. As if you would have ever cared about this. You´ve always been ranting for hours about stuff that I don´t care about. I still remember a certain speech of almost an hour when Potter conquered you in potions at the beginning of the year.”, you huffed.

Draco narrowed his eyes.

“So suddenly you don´t care about what I´ve got to say anymore at all?”

“That´s not what I said.”

“In fact, it was.”

“No, Draco. What I´m trying to say is that I don´t mind if from time to time you also talk about things that I´m not as involved in as you or that I don´t understand. As long as it is important enough to you and you want to talk about it with me, that´s enough. Because I love you, Draco. Merlin, I love you so much you could give me a four-hour talk about flobberworms and I would gladly listen to it. And if it´s only to hear your voice. So go ahead and tell me.”

The corner of Draco´s mouth twitched up slightly.

“Well, I´m not sure if I can go on for four hours, but it´s that weird little creature that bit Crabbe in one of the lessons of this incompetent disgrace for the wizarding world calling himself a teacher, who also…”

“You know I´m not talking about the flobberworms.”, you interrupted Draco.

“But you said you would listen to me even if I would just talk about them for hours. And I thought a little personal anecdote would…”

“You´re distracting, Draco.”, you cut your boyfriend off once more. Under different circumstances, you would have probably found it funny or adorable how desperately he tried to distract you, but right now you were way too worried about the boy in front of you to continue playing his games.

“What do you want to talk about then, my love?”

“How about what´s on your arm?”

“That shouldn’t be any concern of yours.”

“Well, it is.”

“It might be, but you told me that I should tell you what I want to talk about and this certainly isn´t one of those things. Flobberworms on the other hand…”

And at this very moment, you were just done with Draco´s childish behaviour.

While the boy genuinely tried to keep on chatting about the most boring creature to ever exist, looking anywhere but at you, you quickly bent forwards, grabbed Draco´s arm and pulled up the boy´s sleeve. The second Draco realized what you were doing, he pulled away immediately, but it was already too late.

Even with the white fabric covering the black ink on his forearm again, your eyes were still fixed on the place, you had spotted them seconds ago.

Draco crossed his arms in front of his chest and let out a nervous chuckle.

“Merlin, (Y/n), if I would have known you want to rip off my clothes so badly…”

“What is this?” Your voice was surprisingly calm for what your eyes had just spotted and for what your mind was just about to process. “Draco, what the hell is this?”

“It´s nothing, love. You really don´t have to think about…”

“No, Draco. Not again. Tell me what this is. Tell me...” Your voice started to crack. “Tell me this isn´t what I think it is.”

“Well, if you already think you know better, who am I to tell you differently?” He sounded defiant, but just like you, Draco couldn´t hide the vigorous shaking of his voice.

It had been only a second, most likely only the split of it, that you had exposed the dark lines covering the inner side of Draco´s left forearm, but the picture was burned into your mind, nevertheless. Every delicate feature of the snake winding elegantly around the skull, the black appearing even darker on Draco´s pale skin; a piece of art looking way too pretty on him for the fact, that this little thing had just shattered all your hopes and dreams in no time.

“But you… you have to. Tell me I´m wrong, Draco. Please.”

The whisper almost broke Draco´s heart, yet he seemed to remain unfazed by it. He still didn’t look at you, because if the boy would have seen the tears shimmering in your eyes, it would have made everything just so much worse.

“I don´t even know what´s on your mind, (Y/n). So how can I tell you, whether you´re wrong or right?”

Obviously, he knew what you were thinking. He always knew. But for now, this seemed to be the only way to delay the inevitable.

 “Don´t… don´t make me say it. I can´t…” Your voice broke once more.

“Well if you can´t then we don´t need to talk about it anymore as well, do we?”

Finally, Draco glanced up at you. When he saw you blinking vigorously, trying to prevent the tears in your eyes from falling, he automatically extended his hand to touch you, to offer you some kind of comfort, but you shied away from his touch, lowering your gaze. Draco flinched as if he had burned himself. You could only imagine the hurt lying in his eyes now, but at this moment, you didn´t really care. How could you when the guy you had always loved more than anyone else had betrayed you in the worst way possible?

“Love?” Draco´s voice was gentle, way too gentle to come from a boy who has chosen a life of fear and death. “Love, please talk to me.”

Your gaze was fixed on your lap, your hands played with themselves nervously.

“You said we shouldn’t talk about it. So I don´t think there is anything left to say, is it?”

“I… I didn’t mean it that way, (Y/n). You know that.”

“Do I, Draco? How would I?”

“Because it´s me. Love, you know me better than anyone else does. If there´s anyone out there who understands me then it´s you.”

You glared up at the boy in front of you, eying him suspiciously.

“How dare you say that? How dare you to say that I know you? That I understand you? I don’t recognize you, Draco. I always trusted you. I was always by your side. And you used me like this. Lied into my face all the time. So how can I think that I´ve ever truly known you?”

You expected Draco to object. To tell you that whatever had happened to him; that he had no choice. That this wasn´t who he wanted to be. That you were actually the only one who knew who he truly was. But instead, he just huffed.

“See, that´s why I didn’t tell you. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

Your face fell.

“That´s what you think?”

“That´s what I think.”

You nodded as you straightened your back and wiped away the tears. A useless act you realized, since new ones were falling steadily. But you ignored it.

“Then there´s nothing left to say I guess.”

“That´s not what I… (Y/n), listen. Just lie back and calm down for a moment and then you´ll see that none of this will affect you and when you aren’t so upset anymore then we can go back to…”

“No, Draco. We won´t. None of those things. I… Honestly, I don´t even want to hear what you got to say anymore. And I certainly don´t want to calm down. Because there´s nothing to be calm about. And nothing that won´t affect me. And if you…” You gulped heavily. “If you think I´ll stay after you did this. After you lied to me. You are mistaken. I won´t stay. Not in this stupid bed, not in this stupid room and certainly…” The words almost got stuck in your throat as you choked out: “Certainly not with you.”

You wished you could just storm out of the room and slam the door dramatically, but you were still tangled into Draco´s damn sheets, which were way too soft and smelled way too much like him. That smelled way too much like home. So you just shuffled away from Draco awkwardly to the other side of the bed. Draco watched you. His face showed no emotion, as you kicked the blanket away that was still wrapped around your legs before you headed towards the door with large steps. You wished Draco would call you out. Tell you that all of this was just a misunderstanding. A bad dream. Something you would figure out together.

And he held you back indeed.

“(Y/n)?”

You had almost reached the door when his voice made you freeze. This was it. The moment he could take everything back. The moment he could fix it. Where he could save your relationship. Save you.

“You won´t tell anyone about this. Will you?”

And just like that, even the last sparkle of hope for a happy ending for the both of you was stifled. You let out a dry laugh, a sound neither Draco nor you were used to hearing from you.

“Why? What would you do if I did? Would you hurt me, Draco?”

Silence.

“Would you do it? Would you… If that´s what you needed to do to keep your secret, would you hurt me? Would you… would you kill me?”

When you glanced at Draco and returned his gaze, you tried to read what was on his mind. There was a small voice inside of you that told you that his eyes were begging you not to leave, telling you that he would never hurt you, that after all, you were the only thing he really needed in his life, the only one he genuinely loved. But when the boy still didn’t answer and just pressed his lips together, you came to the realisation, that all of these assumptions, all the things you thought you knew about Draco, were based on a lie.

You didn’t know how long you had been standing there, staring into the eyes of the boy who you had thought loved you unconditionally until you realized that Draco wouldn’t give you an answer. And especially not the one you were hoping for.

You nodded slowly, finally managing to tear your gaze apart from the blond Slytherin still sitting on the bed, you had been cuddling in carelessly only minutes ago.

“At least I know now.”

And with that, you turned around, leaving the dorm and everything you had ever been hoping for behind you, once and for all.

If somebody would ever ask you, what time of your life had been the worst, you would probably tell them about the days after Draco´s and your way had parted. Because while all you wanted to do was curl up in your bed and never leave your dorm again, the school made that impossible. And with the classes came the questions. It just seemed to be incomprehensible to everyone, how (Y/n) (Y/l/n), the girl who was known to had softened the heart of the Slytherin prince, and Draco Malfoy had parted ways. One day, everything had seemed so perfect and the two of you had seemed to be so much in love, and the next day, the both of you acted as if the other one simply didn’t exist, claiming to not care, while in fact, everyone saw how much you did care. And obviously, everyone wanted to know how it had come to this unforeseeable event. And while people barely ever dared to talk to Draco, especially now that he seemed to be more thin-skinned than ever, you were much easier to approach, and people were literally bombarding you with questions. People you didn’t even know were coming up to you with inappropriately intimate questions about your relationship with Draco, or more precisely, the ending of it. At some point you snapped, hexing some giggling Gryffindors with the Bee-Sting Jinx, causing their skin to swell and giving it an unsavoury pinkish tinge. Until that very day, the girls hadn’t left the hospital wing yet, and you couldn’t exactly say you were sorry to hear.

Who you couldn’t get rid of that easily, however, were your own friends. Especially Pansy stuck to her guns, trying to get you to finally reveal what had happened between Draco and you. You couldn’t blame your friend though, since she had been the one staying up several nights ever since Draco and you had broken up, providing you with some hot chocolate and the most heart-wrenching romance novels, while you were crying at her shoulder. But even Pansy couldn’t get you to tell her what had happened that day in Draco´s dorm.

You had been debating with yourself forever about whether or not you should tell anyone what you had witnessed that day, and until now, you hadn’t come to a conclusion yet. At least that´s what you told yourself. Because the truth was, you knew very well, that you wouldn’t tell a soul, what Draco had done. And not because you were scared that Draco could actually hurt you. In fact, you were quite sure that no matter what he would try, nothing would hurt more than his betrayal. No, the reason why you wouldn’t give away what you knew about the blond boy now, was rather the complete opposite of the idea that you could actually be scared of him, yet it was just as simple as this. Because the truth was no matter what Draco had done and no matter what he would do in the future, you were still completely and utterly in love with the boy. And you also knew that this would never change. And even though you knew that – regardless of your feelings- breaking all ties with Draco was the right thing, that didn’t mean that you simply didn’t have the heart to tell anyone that Draco Malfoy was by now a Death Eater and just like that destroy his future and most likely getting him a ticket to Azkaban without a return.

In one of your several sleepless nights you had debated with yourself that Draco wasn’t even of age yet and that he had probably been pushed into all of that and no one would actually send him to Azkaban, but then again, if You-Know-Who would find out that Draco had been exposed, he would certainly find a way to get rid of him, as a punishment or to simply prevent him from spilling some secrets. Sure, Draco was probably already in a more than dangerous situation anyway, but you had the feeling that exposing him would most likely only make things worse. And while you had also considered asking Professor Dumbledore or Professor Snape, who had always been the closest to Draco out of all the professors, for help, you had quickly realized, that the Headmaster wasn’t as powerful anymore as he had used to be and you were also quite aware of all the rumours surrounding the Head of the Slytherin house. And if Professor Snape was actually still loyal to You-Know-Who, once again, this would only make things worse.

So all there was left to do, was to keep your mouth shut and trying to avoid Draco as much as possible. Because while all the comments of the other students were pretty annoying, whose presence hurt you more than anyone else’s, was Draco´s. And while you had always known what had been going on in the blond head for the past few years, by now you had absolutely no idea. Most of the time, he ignored you, not even seeming to even notice your presence, but from time to time, you caught him, staring at you from across the room with a blank expression on his face and something in his eyes, that you couldn’t quite put a finger on. But that might had also been due to the fact, that neither of you could bear the glances of the other one for more than a few seconds and whenever your gaze met his, the both of you quickly looked away again, trying to ignore the stinging in your heart whenever this happened. Luckily, you didn’t meet Draco often these days. He often skipped the meals, and even to most of the classes he rarely appeared anymore. And while you were mostly lucky about the fact that you didn’t stumble across the Slytherin that often these days, there was still a small voice inside your head, worrying about Draco´s concerning behaviour, wondering how he would be able to pass the exams at the end of the year and how long he would be able to go on at all, with the little he ate and apparently also slept, concluding from the dark circles under his eyes.

Your friends however pointed out, that you didn’t look much better either. The breakup tugged on your nerves much more than you wanted to admit, and you also slept bad these days, and while you regularly appeared to the classes and meals, in the classes, you barely even listened to what the teachers were saying, mostly staring at the blank spot where Draco was supposed to sit and during the meals you mostly just shoved the food on your plate around unenthusiastically. Your thoughts often drifted to the blond boy, making you forget everything around you, just like you did now.

You were sitting at the Great Lake with some of your friends, who were, now that you had finished your homework, happily chatting about all different kind of themes. You on the other hand were just staring at the lake absentmindedly, doodling onto the parchment in front of you, which was already filled with the few sentences that you had scribbled down as a poor excuse for your homework. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even notice how a tall figure approached you until he stood right in front of you and cleared his throat.

You flinched and glanced up quickly, the confusion on your face slowly giving way to a small smile.

“Hey, Blaise.”

“(Y/n).”, he grinned, giving you a short nod as a greeting. “Do you have a second?”

You put the parchment on your lap aside and shrugged your shoulders.

“Sure. Why don’t you sit down?”

“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you alone.”, he said, glaring at your friends that eyed the two of you curiously.

You let out a sigh, before you got up.

“Wanna go on a walk then?”

Blaise just nodded again, before he walked towards the lake, not even looking back at you once.

You quickly said your friends goodbye, before with some quick steps, you caught up with Blaise again. For a few minutes, the two of you were just walking next to each other in silence, until the Slytherin boy finally cleared his throat.

“So… How are you?”

You glanced at him suspiciously.

“Why do you ask?”

“It´s been a while since we talked. I mean, we don´t see each other that often anymore since Draco and you…” He trailed off, his gaze fixed on the ground in front of him.

Even though Blaise and you weren’t as close as Draco and he was, you knew for sure that Blaise wasn’t a man of many words, and the fact that he actively had been looking for you and was bringing up such an uncomfortable topic on his own made you suspect that there was more to this conversation than met the eye at this moment.

You sighed.

“Just spit it out, Blaise. What is it?”

“Listen, I know it´s none of my business what happened between Draco and you and I…”

“That´s right, this is absolutely no concern of yours.”, you interrupted him, before he could say anything else. “So why do you still bring it up then?”

Blaise raised an eyebrow at you.

“For real, (Y/n)?”

You rolled your eyes.

“No, I´m joking. So just tell me what you have to say.”

The Slytherin stopped in his tracks and turned around to you.

“For Salazar's sake. Draco misses you, (Y/n). He´s absolutely miserable since the two of you have broken up and it absolutely sucks to see him like this.”

You stared at Blaise with slightly widened eyes, surprised by that -for the quiet boy quite unusual- emotional outburst. For now, however, this was only the second most important thing about your interaction with the Slytherin. Because what stuck way more with you was what Blaise had said to you. Because if Blaise was actually right, Draco felt the exact same way about your breakup as you did. And while you could feel your heart stinging in your chest at the thought that your actions might had hurt the boy you still loved so much, the reasons for your behaviour were still much more important to you than the consequences, weren’t they? And for now, cutting off as many strings between Draco and you was for you the only reasonable reaction to the fact that he had not only irrevocably turned to the dark side, but had also kept this not exactly insignificant detail as a secret from you. Because if you wouldn’t have taken any consequences from this, if you would have just kept going, ignoring the fact that you didn’t even know anymore who the person claiming to want to spend the rest of his life with you was, what would that have said about your relationship to Draco and most importantly about yourself as a person? So even if the fact that your actions might had hurt the blond boy and with that hurt you even more than they already did as well, you knew that your decision had been right. You couldn’t be in a relationship with a person who you weren’t even sure if you knew them properly and ending things was the only logical conclusion. But how were you supposed to explain that to Blaise?

“Listen, Blaise, it´s not like I wanted this. Not like I have fun doing this. But it´s the right thing. After what Draco has done…”

You didn’t finish the sentence, staring at your feet instead.

“What could he possibly have done wrong that you are so upset with him?”, Blaise asked, sounding genuinely irritated. “On the same day in the classes everything still seemed to be alright and only a few hours later you act as if Draco has murdered your favourite owl.” He stopped in his tracks and glared at you. “Hold on, he didn´t, did he?”

You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as you shook your head.

“No, he didn’t.”

Blaise let out a sigh of relief.

“See, it can´t be that bad if you´re still laughing about it.” He remained silent for a few moments, but when you didn’t answer and just shrugged your shoulders, he continued: “I know Draco can be difficult from time to time, (Y/n). But what I know just as well is that he loves you and that he would never hurt you on purpose. So maybe it was just a misunderstanding or he just…”

“Oh, trust me, there was not much room for misinterpretation.”, you interrupted him bitterly.

Blaise shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

“If you say so. But maybe it would still help you to talk to him once more. Or at least listen to what he has to say to you.”

“As if he would have ever tried. He´s ignoring me ever since.”

“So do you.”

“I have every reason to. Trust me, Blaise.”

“Maybe Draco just wants to give you some space. And when you´re ready, he will gladly come up to you and maybe you can work it out then. I´m sure of that.”

You remained silent. Blaise let out a sigh.

“Just think about it, (Y/n).”

You nodded in response.

“I will.”

Blaise gave you a wry smile.

“That´s all I can ask for for now, I guess.”

“Trust me, it is.”

The Slytherin let out a low chuckle.

“Alright then my job here is done, I guess. I still have Quidditch practice anyway. See you around, (Y/n).”

You returned his smile half-hearted.

“See you, Blaise.”

The Slytherin had already turned away from you, when suddenly, he stopped, looking back at you once more.

“Draco loves you, (Y/n). He´d do anything for you. You just have to ask for it. And if he… If he would be up to something stupid…” Blaise looked at the ground, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “Draco knows right from wrong, even if he doesn’t always admit it. So if he has gotten himself into something, I´m sure he has a good reason for it. And I also know for sure that you love him way too much to let him go through this alone.”

And with that, the tall boy finally turned away completely, leaving you alone by the shore, looking at the water, as your thoughts were murmuring in your minds just like the waves in front of you.

The following night, you didn’t sleep as bad as you had ever since you had left Draco in his dorm that day, hunted by his face in your dreams just as much as when you were lying awake, but you simply didn’t sleep at all.

After a few sleepless hours, before you were even realizing what you were doing, you snug up to your wardrobe, pulling out the sweater you had tucked in there carelessly the day you had returned from Draco´s dorm for the last time. When back then you had noticed that you were still wearing Draco´s clothes, you had ripped it off immediately, stuffing it into the deepest corner of your closet. And until that very day, you had refused to take it out there again. But for some reason, tonight you just couldn’t resist.

When you were lying in bed again, the sweater covering you like a blanket and inhaling Draco´s scent that by now already threatened to vanish, Blaise´s words echoed through your head. You knew that Draco and Blaise were good friends and that Blaise probably actually just hated to see his friend suffer after you had broken up with him, yet his last words made you suspect that maybe Blaise knew even more than he had told you. But then again, he hadn’t said anything that hadn’t gone through your mind as well over the last few days. While in the second you had seen the dark mark placed on your boyfriend´s arm, you had felt nothing but disappointment and betrayal. You had been wondering how Draco had still been willing to join the Death Eaters, after everything You-Know-Who had done to this world – and also to his family. Because after all, Draco´s father was sitting in Azkaban because he had been caught as a part of the very same group his son had now joined as well. As you had thought about it later once more, however, you couldn’t had helped but wondering whether it had actually been Draco´s free will to follow in his father’s footsteps. And after your talk to Blaise, you were wondering even more about the blond boy´s motives. Because while it was quite possible that for Blaise the pieces had just fallen together just like they had done for you, it was also possible that he knew something more about what exactly was going on with Draco. This thought however was almost just as hurtful. Because that would mean that Draco would trust his roommate more than he trusted you. And if you were honest, this had probably been the worst thing about the situation from the very beginning. You had always known that Draco had always been fascinated by the dark arts and that his family had taught him some values and beliefs that were in your eyes very extreme, to put it nicely, but you had never actually minded. Because you knew a side of Draco, that he rarely showed to others. He had granted you a look behind the walls he had put up, and what you had seen there had been what you had fallen in love with. And what you still were in love with. You thought you had known all of Draco, all his dreams and his fears, just as he knew all of you. And to discover that there was a part of him that he had intentionally hidden from you, simply broke your heart. At what point in your relationship had you lost his unconditional trust, his willingness to tell you everything? Had you ever even had it at all? Or had everything been a lie since the very beginning? You shook your head, trying to get rid of those unwelcoming thoughts. No, you knew Draco. Better than everyone else. And if there was a part of him, that you still had yet to discover, you were more than willing to do so. You knew that no matter what, things would never be the same as they used to be, but how they would develop was in your hands. And even if for now you weren’t quite sure yet, how you wanted things to turn out, you knew one thing for sure: No matter what the future would hold for you – you wanted to go through it with Draco.

Quietly, you got up from your bed and slipped into your shoes, before you sneaked to the door of your dorm.

When the cold air of the night hit your skin, you shivered. Still, you continued your way, sneaking up the stairs of the tower, placing your feet carefully to prevent the old material from creaking. The wind was stronger up here on the platform, pulling at your hair and your clothes. But you barely even noticed it, your gaze fixed on the tall silhouette leaning against the bannister. You couldn’t help the small smile that crept on your face when you took a step closer.

“I knew you would be here.”, you spoke up.

Even though your voice was soft and barely audible over the howling of the wind, the shadow flinched and turned around quickly. When his gaze met yours, you thought to see his eyes lighting up for the split of a second, before his face went blank again.

Draco´s expression didn’t change as he watched you walking towards him with narrowed eyes, until you had finally reached the railing, leaning against it right next to him, while you returned his gaze without blinking once.

“What do you want?”, he finally raised to speak. His voice sounded strange. It was the same tone he always struck when he was talking to people he considered beneath his dignity, yet you could hear it shaking slightly.

“I was looking for you.”

“You found me now, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“So, what now?”

You bit your lip, glancing at the boy, who was glaring at you with piercing eyes.

“I want to talk.”

Draco huffed.

“Now you suddenly want to.”

“I do.”

“But maybe I don’t want to. It was the same with you when I tried to talk to you, wasn’t it?”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Can you blame me?”

Silence.

“So?”

“Why do you even care? You were the one who left, remember?”

You took a deep breath. You could argue that Draco had been the one who had started what had led to the end. That it had been the only right thing to do. That he had been the one who had let you go. But you knew that starting this argument wouldn’t bring you anywhere at that point. And after all, Draco was also somehow right.

“I… I didn’t think about anything else ever since.”, you finally admitted in a low voice.

“So that´s why you´re here? To sooth your conscience?”, he spat out.

“No, I´m here because just because I left that day it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you anymore!”

Draco´s eyes widened slightly at your confession, one that you both had already been aware of, but also one both of you had been too proud to admit.

“Why would you?” His voice now sounded raspier than ever, and you could see that Draco´s eyes were slightly glossy. “After everything that happened. Why would you still care?”

You took a step closer to Draco. Your hand on the railing now covered his. The boy flinched, his gaze flickered to where your hands were touching, probably remembering painfully what had happened the last time your hands had been intertwined, but he didn’t pull away.

“We´ve been together for such a long time, Draco. I fell in love with you years ago and no matter what we´ve been through, I never stopped. And I… I don’t think I ever will. Even if I wanted to. So if you want me to, I will be with you. And we will get through this together. No matter what it takes. We… I trust you with my life. With everything I have and I need you to know that you can do the same. So if you tell me what is wrong, I will help you. I promise.”

You saw the corner of Draco´s mouth twitching up at your words. He removed his hand from under yours, as he closed the remaining gap between the two of you until your chests almost touched, and cupped your face with his hands. As the blond boy smiled down at you, you felt your heart skipping a beat. While your yearning over the past few days had almost eaten you up, only now that you felt his closeness once more, you realized what exactly you had been missing. And you swore to yourself that you would never let it go ever again that easily.

Draco bent down and pressed his soft lips on your forehead, making you melt into his touch even more. Then he pulled back slightly, looking at you with a softness in his eyes that you had barely ever seen before, even after all those years.

“I know, love. I know the things you would do for me, and I want you to know that I would do just the same for you. And that´s why I am so sorry. For the things I have done and the things I am about to do. And mostly…” He gulped heavily, his eyes scanning every feature of your face, taking in even the smallest details, before he continued: “Mostly I am sorry that this is never going to happen. Because I can´t tell you what I am up to. I can´t get you involved in any of those things. It doesn’t matter if you want to go back to what we were, because we won´t, (Y/n). That´s the end.” Draco took a step back, his hands slipping from your cheeks, leaving behind nothing but the coldness that was embracing you now instead of him. “I´m truly sorry.”

And with that, Draco turned around, leaving you on your own, staring at the place he had stood only seconds ago in disbelief, making you wonder who you hated more at this moment. Him for being the one to leave you this time or yourself for actually letting him go.

If you had thought that you had been at your worst after you had left Draco, you had been wrong. Because now that he had been the one leaving you behind, you felt a thousand times worse. You spend your time staring into the void and now, you weren’t simply ignoring Draco anymore, but tensing up to an unknown level, feeling the tears pricking in your eyes that had failed to do so back on the Astronomy Tower. Because while back then you had barely understood the entire situation, by now the realization slowly started to sink in. You still didn’t know what Draco was up to or what had happened to him in the past, but by now you were absolutely sure that Draco was still the same guy that had meant so much to you from the second you had placed your foot in his train department back on your ride to Hogwarts in your first year. Obviously, many things had changed since then, but the strong connection that you had always felt between Draco and you was still there. And to know that you yet couldn’t be with him for whatever mysterious reason, just made it so much harder for you to deal with the situation.

By now you just felt as if the entire world was against you and you just hated everything and everyone around you, blaming your surroundings for the fact that Draco had taken your opportunity to fix the worst mistake you had ever made in your life away from you again. And so when Blaise approached you one day, asking you how you were feeling, the poor boy was utterly confused when you glared at him with defiance of death, telling him that he should have never suggested talking to Draco and trying to fix the situation, because after all, now you knew for sure that everything was over once and for all and would never get better ever again. And when you stormed away, you were so caught up in your own thoughts and self-pity, that you didn’t even notice how Pansy joined Blaise, who still didn’t quite understand what he had done wrong, and the both of you were watching you walking away with a blank look on your face, with your eyes being glossy nevertheless.

“I really thought they would figure it out.”, Blaise said helplessly.

“You´re not the only one.”, Pansy sighed. “There must be something we can do about this. It´s unbearable to watch them like this.”

You stared at the school grounds underneath you, lying there in silence. The wind howling around the Astronomy Tower wasn’t nearly as strong as when you had been there with Draco, but over the last few days, it had gotten much colder. A shiver ran down your spine. You weren’t sure whether it was because of the cold or the memories that were flooding your mind every single time you got up here. Probably both.

You tried to recall the feeling you had had when for a wonderful moment you had thought that everything might work out after all that night. You remembered the warmth of his hands cupping your cheeks, the feeling of his lips pressed against your forehead, the overwhelming affection you had felt when Draco had looked into your eyes. But even though not much time had passed since then, you already felt all those feelings fading. And the more you tried to recall them, the quicker they vanished. And you already feared the moment, all of this would be nothing more than a distant memory, something you knew had happened to you at some point in your life, that by then would feel like the one of a stranger; a story you would know but would have anything to hold onto except for the knowledge that it did happen. You closed your eyes, trying to savour the warm feeling flooding through your body you had always felt when some grey eyes had been smiling down at you.

“You shouldn’t be up here on your own.”

You spun around quickly, looking into the very same eyes that you had just tried to remember so badly. For a second you thought that this was a sick game your mind was playing with you, to regain a shimmer of hope before suffocating it once more, but if it would have been that way, the smile Draco held on his face would actually reach his eyes and he wouldn’t hesitate to approach you, like he did now.

Finally, he made a few steps towards you, walking up to you slowly, until he had reached the banister. Draco kept his distance from you, as his gaze wandered over the land under you, just like yours had done only minutes before. You turned around again as well, eying Draco carefully from the corner of your eye. From the way his jaw clenched, and he was playing with the rings on his fingers, you could tell that he was nervous. Trying to build up the courage to finally speak up. You felt the corner of your mouth twitching upwards involuntarily. You just knew him far too well after all.

You didn’t know how long you had been standing there in silence, staring at the castle´s ground, before Draco finally spoke up.

“I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

You nodded, even though you weren’t sure if he could see since his gaze was still fixed on the landscape in front of you.

“I think we both did.”

Draco let out a small chuckle before he shook his head.

“No, (Y/n). You´ve done nothing wrong. Merlin, I think you couldn’t, no matter how hard you tried.”

“Don´t challenge me, Malfoy.”, you responded.

But the moment the words left your mouth, you regretted them again already. It just reminded you too much of your silly bickering back when everything had been just fine. Which it wasn’t anymore. So you also shouldn’t be joking around like it was.

“We both know I would fail.”

You just shrugged your shoulders in response, not willing to give in to the warmth that flooded through your body when you heard that familiar smirk in his voice.

After a few more moments of silence, you sighed and took a step back from the railing. No matter how much you wanted to stay with Draco right now, no matter how every fibre of your body was screaming at you to not walk away but only get closer to the boy you still loved with all your heart, you knew that this was probably the worst thing you could do. And the only right action right now was to leave the tower and Draco behind, as long as you were still capable of doing so.

You cleared your throat.

“I assume you came here to be alone. So I don’t want to bother you any longer.”

But before you had even turned around completely, Draco´s voice held you back.

“You don’t bother me, (Y/n). You know you never do. Besides... Actually, I was looking for you.” You froze in your steps, trying to prevent your heart from going crazy inside your chest. It didn’t work. “I… I talked a lot with Blaise and Pansy lately, you know?”, he continued. “And I figured out that maybe… I wasn’t quite fair to you.”

No, he hadn’t been. But neither had you been.

You forced yourself to smile.

“It´s okay, Draco. I don’t need your sympathy. I´ll be just fine.”

This was a lie. And the blond boy knew it just as well as you did. Still, he just nodded.

“I know you will be. But…” Draco took a deep breath. “I won´t. Not without you.”

And with that confession, all the walls the two of you had built up around you, tumbled down just like that. You turned around to Draco again, who was standing there, looking defeated, shoulders sloping, and his gaze fixed on his shoes. His lips were trembling dangerously, in a way you had never seen before.

That was all you needed. With a few quick steps, you closed the gap between the Slytherin and you and wrapped your arms around him. It took Draco a few moments to return the gesture, but when he did, he held you impossibly close, as if he never wanted to let you go ever again. And in this moment, he didn’t have any intention to do so indeed. You buried your face in his chest, inhaling his familiar scent and enjoying the feeling of comfort his embrace granted you.

“I´m sorry, love. I´m so sorry.”, Draco mumbled into your ear, his face hidden in your hair.

“It´s okay. It´s alright.”, you whispered repeatedly, clenching onto him, holding Draco up, just like he did with you.

Finally, Draco loosened his grip around you slightly, not much, but just enough so he could look down at you.

“I promise I will tell you everything there is to say. And I will answer all your questions. But just so you know – I never wanted this. None of this. And the least of all I wanted to hurt you. But I guess I failed.”

You could feel a tear dripping down your cheek, and Draco brushed it away with his thumb gently, making you smile through the haze of tears.

“It´s not only on you. I… I shouldn’t have left that day. That wasn’t fair either. But it´s just like I promised. I will stay with you and we will get through this. Together.”

A small smile appeared on Draco´s face.

“So no lies anymore? No secrets?”

You nodded.

“No lies and no secrets. Promised.”

And when Draco pressed his lips on yours, it felt like no time had passed since that day that you had been laying in his dorm, cuddling and whispering sweet nothings into each other´s ears. Just like that, the whole world was falling into place again, as if every problem had just disappeared the moment you finally felt the lips of the boy you loved endlessly again.

When Draco pulled back, you could see the boyish smirk on his face, you had missed so much ever since the school year had started. His fingers traced over your lips and cheek, before brushing a strand of hair out of your face, making you giggle.

“Merlin, have I missed that sound.”, Draco grinned, before pressing a small kiss on the tip of your nose, making another small laugh erupting from you.

Your fingers were buried deep in Draco´s soft hair, drawing some small circles on his scalp as you got lost in his grey eyes, just like he did in yours.

“Draco?”, you spoke up after a while again.

The blond boy just hummed in response.

“There is one thing I still have to tell you.”

“And what would that be, princess?”

“I lied to you earlier once more.”

Draco raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“I said that I would be alright. That I would be fine without you.”

The boy in front of you tilted his head and looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“You did indeed. Pretty hurtful, if you ask me.”

You chuckled. “I know. Sorry.” But then you grew serious again. “That´s it. That was the lie. I wasn’t okay when you were gone. I felt absolutely miserable. And I… I don’t think that I´ll ever be. Alright. Without you, I mean. I love you, Draco. And I don’t want to be without you.”

A small smile appeared on Draco´s face. But not the cocky grin you were used to, but a real smile. A vulnerable one.

“Love, don’t you ever think for a second that I feel any different about you, alright? I love you, (Y/n). More than you can imagine. And I can promise you, that I will never stop doing so until the day I die. And beyond that.”

And that was true. Draco loved you just as unconditionally as you loved him and the both of you knew that. Maybe it was true. Maybe sometimes you only knew what you had lost when it was already gone. But maybe only like that you would also learn to fight for it to get it back once and for all.

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[fumifooms]

I feel we talk and speculate about post-canon Marchil. But what about pre-canon Marchil? They may not yet know much about each other's personal lives by the time the story starts. But from the start we could already see that they have some level of rapport and are able to bounce off each other quite well especially given that they see each other as the saner party members.

But we know its not how they started especially given Chilchucks disdain for elves, and the fact that the previous mage/sorcerer of their party supposedly almost broke the party up with their love agendas.

How do you think it played out from there and getting to the start of the manga?

Pre-canon and early Marcille & Chilchuck

Yes, very interesting topic!! There are a good few moments that are telling imo. I don't have any fun way to introduce it all so let's just go right into it, it's gonna be a long post though.

Pre-canon

We do see how they start out:

Like you said, Chil, like the other party members, was very hesitant at first on trusting her, that she’d be a good fit for the party etc, though he doesn’t seem to be taking it any worse than Shuro and Namari (which is interesting since Chil’s distrust of elves is more prominent).

The distrust of mages for their party specifically was due to their old one, implied to have stirred drama by being a marriage seeker with every man in the party yes. We don't know the details but it does paint a certain picture I suppose, I really hope The Adventurer's Bible 2 is gonna have new info or pages about the old party members... Doing an analysis of the party configurations pre-canon would be interesting too, for example there’s the buzzcut guy that’s implied to have betrayed Laios and it’s soo cryptic but intriguing and implied to be a significant moment for Laios, would be worth analyzing the crumbs of info we get in canon... But yes yes point is that's one side of the coin, which is eased when the party gets used to Marcille and she earns their trust by being friendly and nice, BUT there’s the other side of the coin to it where magic has been used to persecute half-foots historically, especially by elves, so there’s that bias that remains even for a good part of canon for Chilchuck, and it's stated the most explicitly when he and Marcille argue over dark magic in chapter 34.

To go back to the pictures above, the panel that shows Marcille "working hard to befriend everyone" contextualizes the extra comic in Chilchuck’s Adventurer’s Bible section(the third picture above) to be set during that time of integration into the party for her. We see they indeed had already their comedic dynamic schtick down by then… And I think that makes sense. Even at the start of canon Chil is still adamant about not making friends and keeping emotional distance, so though I’m sure he was much more standoffish and quiet at first I think going from "I don’t know you and I’ll avoid you" to "I’ll engage with you but I’m not gonna be friendly about it" isn't a big jump and it would happen naturally with time as they get somewhat acquainted.

Chilchuck does value having a good professional dynamic, so he wouldn’t want to be rude or shoot her down, and it’s also that will to help a coworker be efficient that gets him to go out shopping for a pouch with her and makes her able to bond with him on that occasion (Yes I do want to make a fanfic about it hehe. He doesn’t like to wait after people but still went with her for a pouch isn’t that sweet). Considering the way she acts with him in that extra comic, she was already very open and didn’t mind overcrowding him and seeming eager and whatnot. Imo she already looked favorably upon him from the get-go because he’s "a kid" and thus sweet and cute™️, but I still think especially with the added context of the pages on her perspective that she was extra trying to be friendly and encourage engaging with her. Even at their "on good terms for work but no actual relationship" stage at the beginning of canon, Marcille worked to get there and to have that good (decent) of a dynamic with Chil.

Although I don’t think it was especially hard either, I just think it took a while for people to acclimate to her. A lot of the prejudices in Dungeon Meshi are eased and challenged through exposure and contact, like getting a scared dog to see you as safe. "Oh, this guy isn’t so bad after all, guess there are good ones -> guess they have a point -> guess that maybe they’ve always had a point and were never all that evil" etc etc, it’s more nuanced and has variations but hopefully you see what I mean, how prejudices are tackled in Dunmeshi is a very interesting & layered topic for another day.

Ah yes there’s also the extra above in which Chil says how awkward it is to wait with Toshiro and Marcille for the others to arrive, and though it certainly could be mostly about how Toshiro and Marcille don’t get along and that's what makes the air tense, I do think it shows a good level of distance and disinterest between them. It’s often referred to in canon that, previous to canon events, they all truly just had a coworkers dynamic.

Even just hanging out outside of work for a drink was very uncommon. The closest thing to a friend Chilchuck would see someone as in the party would have been Namari I imagine, since it’s shown a few times that those two did go out to drink after work a couple times and got along well (as per the extras about it and some small canon moments).

I think it’s very central to their dynamic at that point that their relationship is professional. According to the timeline it’s been around 1/1.5 year that Marcille has joined Laios’ party at the beginning of canon, and since they dungeon dive regularly that’s a good amount of time to develop a dynamic with a coworker. So yes I think a good way to frame their relationship is that they’re two coworkers, who have been working together well for a while but never developed it into a proper friendship, either from lack of interest or failure to do it, like two cashiers sharing the same shift. They have a bond forged in forced proximity and casual familiarity accumulated over time, which does make their relationship a bit unique and interesting since they would have never become friends under regular circumstances. They're like that sweet & salty sandwich that you have to give a chance to, that'll surprise you and have complementary flavors if you try it out despite seeming disastrous.

Early canon

Their early dynamic is super interesting though!! Both see each other as capable, which I do think is the foundation of their relationship early on, since Marcille thought of him as a kid too closed off on himself and Chilchuck saw her as a somewhat annoying person (afaik) and an elf mage (both which make her more distrust-worthy for him) which doesn't make them very friends material at that point. But like I said, they do see each other as capable not only in their job but with their respective strenghts:

Early on we get the sense that they of course have worked with each other for a while and have a good grasp on the other’s character though, and what they say is insightful on how they think of the other. Above, the excerpt is when Laios and Chilchuck come back with the dead Kabru party’s wet food. "She’s right that wasn’t okay to do. Not good I didn’t catch that, that’s Marcille for you." implying he sees her as sort of the moral compass of the team, that she’s strict on such things but seemingly he values it instead of being offput by it. On her side she says how "he’s usually the most mature here." This is in the kakiage chapter so she still fully believes he's a kid at that point, so it's interesting to see that she still recognizes his maturity demeanor wise.

There is respect there, however how kneecapped or begrudging it is. I think the "you’re the next most normal person in the party after me and you have common sense thank god" dynamic was mostly forged right from the beginning of canon but not before that, since Laios while yes still having some of his questionable leadership previously (since his part was losing faith in him before Marcille joined) was more stoic and controlled, so 1) there is no great evil to band up against in the party, plus there were just more people, so 2) less reason or occasion to seek specifically each other out. But then without Toshiro and Namari they were the only person the other had when Laios started showing his interest in monsters and whatnot, the whole party dynamic got thrown upside down which made them gravitate towards each other more than they usually did. And then Senshi came into the picture but Marcille and Chilchuck had already traumabonded like kittens /j and Senshi turned out to also have an interest in monsters. I do feel like pre-canon they simply didn’t interact as much, more one-off moments and short shallow interactions and the occasional deeper, pleasant enough conversation than anything, so canon events is what really kickstarted it into something more than (acquaintance level emotional distance) coworkers.

And on that note, I think that the true shift in their relationship starts after the red dragon arc, when their goal becomes more convoluted and they’ll have to stick to each other’s side through truly thick and thin. It’s right after that Chilchuck gets a shift in character and motivation where he admits that he cares about them, and when the characters start being overall more vulnerable with each other.

I think about this page a ton for example.

"Still, that Marcille…" Maybe I should check out how the original phrased it, the ‘that’ does add a lot, but even without it there's a very impersonal feeling to it. Like they really are just starting to get accustomed to each other after all and sizing each other up, which isn’t all that wrong considering the context of finding something very important about her out that would shift everyone's perception of her, but it does definitely show distance imo, even with this being after the dragon arc at chapter 29. He thinks of her as silly and sketchy at that point as per the scene with Leed... It's rocky, it's rocky, but they do hash things out together and continue to respect each other's perspective and points, as seen for eample how they strategize together when they meet Shuro and Kabru's parties. And yes, that's super interesting!! The scene after his talk with Leed where he admits he cares about the party member is the point where Chilchuck stops pretending to only be in it for the money and he lets himself bond with the others more, so it makes sense to me that he'd have processed the whole "Marcille dark elf" thing and moved past it, but it does show a lot of trust in Marcille that even despite her dark magic show he goes to her for strategy talk and like, doesn't worry about her doing faux-pas and getting themselves killed or in jail unlike with Laios or Senshi which he feels the need to monitor lol.

I think the bicorn chapter is the chapter that truly cements them as having a relationship in its own right. He opened up about himself and let her in on personal aspects of his life, and that makes him finally ready to fully drop the wall of "coworkers only, no friends nope, our relationship starts and stops at when we enter and leave the dungeon". And of course by the end he's straight up saying he'll introduce her to his family lol <3

Conclusion

So yes overall they do seem to know each other the way longtime acquaintances would, and they have a good grasp on each other’s character, but their vision of each other is severely kneecapped by other factors, Marcille seeing him as a kid and him having a bias against elves and mages and also just optimistic nosy people lol. Chilchuck is only interested in working with her efficiently, without making friends, and besides him being a coworker whose skills are very needed Marcille is only interested in him in a gossip curiosity way and in a ‘Aww I should make an effort to include the kid in things, he should open up more!’ patronizing and infantilizing way. You can’t really bond as an equal with someone you think is a kid after all, so early on it’s more of a caring after attention/interest she has for him, and the process of her growing to see him as an adult is very slow and gradual. They're tough to feasibly work with in a shipping sense early on, like yes ok they have very funny chemistry but at what cost... But I sure do love slow burns and complicated people growing to love each other through learning about them through thick and thin and compromising to better themselves and make it work, so!!

It’d be interesting to have marchil (wether platonic or romantic) fancontent exploring their pre-canon relationship, especially if we were to try and have them learn to know each other more and form a deeper bond and all, but it literally took all of canon to get them there. It took them having to do a desperate emergency dungeon dive with initially only 3 party members, where they don’t have any choice but to spend a lot of time in almost only each other’s company and have to forgo the usual boundaries, when fighting for each other’s lives and learning things about each other like being a 'dark elf' or a 'father of three'. It took 57 chapters and a lie-detecting virtue-detecting monster for him to open up about his wife and family, and who knows how long it’d have taken without that monster or without it having attacked him, serving as evidence that he’d been lying about it. Who knows how long he’d have been fine lying, y’know?? And learning that he cheated on his wife made her esteem for him tank, it’d have made them more tense with each other if anything if the bicorn hadn't proven his lie wrong. Beause it's def implied too that Chilchuck would have said that lie if super pushed int otalking about his wife, which would have happen with or without a bicorn appearing in their path right then.

In the end it’s like how Laios said, thank you Falin for being eaten, and thank you everyone for being the gender that you are, because if any detail had been different the adventure either wouldn’t have happened or would have happened very differently (worse). Best marchil slow burn is canon real?!! Jk there’s so much that could be done with them both pre-canon, during canon and post-canon, but yeahh they’re such complex characters with a complex dynamic that making it both organic and IC would be so hard. I do like the take that he is attracted to her to some degree though, and I feel like Marcille has a general curiosity and interest in romance and maybe experiencing it herself, so I wouldn't say that spontaneous interest would be impossible, but the biggest obstacle is Chilchuck's wife situation tbh because the man is planning on staying faithful and celibate right up to at least divorce if not his grave lol.

Now I do want to write a canon divergent thing where Chil refused to try and tame the bicorn and the party kept on thinking he’d cheated on her and the new dynamic with Marcille though… Eventually she wants to understand him and ask about it, and it keeps getting worse, before it starts getting better because this time around exhaustion caught up to him and he didn’t need the bicorn to make him admit he hasn’t… The whole end thing of his arc would have to happen pretty differently man, whew, especially since he has a complex where he doesn’t see himself as a good man, not virtuous or moral, cowardly and selfish etc etc, so without having a monster with its objective monster senses going "ew you’re a virtuous husband I hate u" it’d have been harder for him to truly consider that maybe the situation isn’t quite as hopeless as he thought and he should at least try blablabla. But Marcille is the next best thing to a bicorn, she can psychoanalyze him and hype him up, I have faith I have faith. Most feasibly though I feel like pre-canon fics with them would be ficlets of moments in which they unexpectedly interacted and went the small extra mile of going beyond small talk and both try to connect a bit, learning to know each other just a bit more, piquing interest or curiosity or making them re-evaluate each other, that’d be fun.

Like you said it's not a topic that's often analyzed and all, so I ended up going all out and being somewhat rambly... Apologies apologies, hopefully this wasn't hard to follow along with, and was good food for thought and had good points! Maybe it feels a bit far from your initial question that was only about going from their first meeting to the start of canon, but I feel like only analyzing their early relationship in that scope and consider the first hurdle in them growing closer fully over and done with doesn't encapsulate the core of their issues with each other and how they deal with them and eventually overcome them. It took a lot of time and insistance and efforts and for their prejudices to be challenged and proven wrong many, many times for it to truly stick and for them to be truly comfortable and open with each other. Early marchil truly has traumabonded retail coworkers energy to me lol, speaking from experience and traumabonded being meant as an hyperbole.

[rubyfoxfyre]

What did you base Alastors Nox Magia off of? Why type of magic is it and where did you get the ideas for a good ass fanfic?

Thank you for the question!

The answer is sort of a long story that I suppose begins with my first exposure to Hazbin Hotel in general, during a particularly doomed D&D campaign where my character basically acted exactly like Charlie did in the pilot:

Granted, Fianna is not anything like Charlie at all, but the DM found it funny enough to send me the gif above and then everyone got distracted for about 5 minutes while they started meming.

The next day I watched the show and was completely hooked!

I started looking into the Wiki to get a greater understanding of the world shown, read the comics (like all 20 pages hahaha), and listened to Addict while working on prompts for Charlastor Week 2022, taking a break from my regular manuscript I'd been working on for a few years (stay tuned for updates soon on that one!). I had about a month so I decided to try my hand at smaller short stories, since some of the authors I idolize are so good at short fiction, and conveying strong emotions in just a few thousand words.

I watched and rewatched the Pilot, studying the characterizations there as well as thinking about funny and unexpected scenarios the characters could get into while dealing with the concept of redemption and how to make it work (needless to say that the fact that they already had it happen was... unexpected. I have thoughts on that but will put a pin in that for now to avoid getting too distracted from your question!).

I can't remember which rewatch it was that I picked up on an interesting exchange between Charlie and Alastor that turned into a whole mess that would consume me to this day:

She tries to put a limitation on his ability to do too much, and I wondered if that could lead to a sort of interesting power-play between them (because in the end this is the part of their relationship that is fundamentally interesting - they're both powerful people with opposing moralities, having to work together to acheive a common goal). Basically, because Charlie's not precise with her language, she ends up basically not controlling Alastor at all. Which works out in its way, because she hides from her deeper wellspring of power with the aid of a gentle persona.

I liked the idea of something deeper between them and within themselves - and with them being opposing forces, I wanted to work with the idea of Alastor being associated with "night" and "dark", versus Charlie being associated with "sunlight" and "rainbows".

Shadow and Flame, only a bit less Lord of the Rings and a bit more sexy.

Nox Magia , the "night" magic, follows basic arcane principles that I've picked up on through the long and involved process of being a massive nerd and reading a lot of stuff.

For writing magic, I like looking at basic logic structures and hovering somewhere between harder and softer magic. My other manuscript that is premiering this year will be discussing some differing types of magic systems as well, if you enjoy reading Riddle and my other works, I hope you enjoy those as well!

But as for the story itself, it wasn't meant to be a story about a man falling in love... it's the story of a man being dragged into love, kicking and screaming about it. 🦌🌈

To Alastor the Hotel is about control, and his experience there is just a game not to be taken too seriously. Charlie is also about control, or rather, trying to find a way to control without breaking everything with her terrible strength.

Alastor embraces his strength, while she hides from it, and he finds that contradictory instinct in her interesting, so he comes up with the idea of a game to teach her some magic that might help her. But as with all magic, intent governs everything (even when you don't realize), and the spells he's teaching are telling a particular kind of story - you can preview what's happening in the chapter titles that have the runes' names! 🍷

❤️ Thanks so much for reading! ❤️